Cranky

This week has been a challenge.


Today is my husband's birthday.  That is good.  I will be starting a new job a week from today.  That is good, too.  Both of my parents, my brother and my maternal grandmother are all in good health.  The dog has not thrown up on the floor lately.  The Earth's vegetation is still producing oxygen.  If I wait long enough, it will be spring. 


This is me thinking positive.


Yesterday, Husband had to stay late at work because he had to buy new tires before he went in.  (Couldn't wait until the weekend - he had a blowout the other day.)  The arrangement was that me and the kids would eat out after music lessons.  I was looking forward to it.  However, Grant had a bad day.  He kinda had two bad days in one.  And Abbie had forgotten do to one of her daily tasks.  No fancy dinner for us.


Apparently, after yelling across the class room for the second time in two days*, Grant got into a fight with a friend who didn't like the nickname Grant has been calling him for two years.  They were both sent to the counselor, who emailed me the whole story.  I also read the notebook that Grant's teacher sends home.  Her story was slightly different, but what can ya do?  It had also been sent with him to Discovery (gifted program which is one half day per week) where he had the chance to start over, but continued to have a bad day instead.  That teacher mentioned how good Grant had been lately and said that the day wasn't terrible, she had just been spoiled with all his recent mellow-ness.


She didn't say mellow-ness.  I made that part up. 


*It is significant in MY mind that I was told that this happened two days in a row.  The entry for yesterday in Grant's notebook from his teacher says, "Had a great day!!  :)" 


After reading the notebook, I didn't say much.  I just reminded him of something I've said before: "Grant, is it still playing if one of you isn't having fun?"
"No."
"No, it isn't.  It's something else.  It's not nice.  The goal of playing is for both of you to enjoy it.  Don't do something that you know the other person doesn't like"


This would be great advice....except that he has a Y chromosome, and I don't think Y chromosomes really believe any of that.  That won't stop me from pretending that I've said something monumental and helpful.


Grant had an okay music lesson, and Abbie didn't.  She was...unwilling.  It was a, "Do I have to?" kind of attitude. 


I was surprised and pleased when we got in the car, and Grant said, "We're eating at home, aren't we?"  I told him we were, but he did not get emotional at all.  Not even a little bit.  We went straight home, and ate the most un-exciting frozen pizza I could find.  I let them play together until they started arguing, which didn't take long, then I had them read in their own rooms.  We put them to bed an hour earlier than usual.  And they went right to sleep.


Aha!


So.  That was a good call.  One or both of them must be growing.  We will go to bed early tonight, too, and tomorrow (if I can swing it).


Tomorrow night we are having Chinese food for dinner, in honor of the Lunar New Year.  Hope your week is relatively stress-free.  Take deep breaths.

Responsibility and Self Control

Well.  I can't deny that I am still feeling a little subdued.  But there are other things than my own personal failures going on, and I feel that some of them should be shared.




First of all, Abbie was super proud of herself for having checked her school mailbox and remembered her lunch box.  It felt a little silly to congratulate her for things she should already be doing, but one must keep one's eye on the true goal - self sufficiency of one's children. 


Did you know that, etymologically speaking, the word "man" comes from the word "one"?  It was one of my favorite discoveries in History of the English Language.  Fascinating subject.  I actually read the text book sometimes, for fun.  Well, I try to, anyway.  The book is amazingly dull.  Amazingly.


I digress.


For the first time, we all went to the local park for Grant's running practice.  I thought that this might show me a little of that side of Grant that his father occasionally sees, but me never.  It didn't really happen that way, though.  Here is what did:


1.  Like at home, we stretched, and then did the aerobic walking, with me in front, Grant in the middle, and Abbie at the end.  There are two purposes for this exercise besides warming up.  Firstly, by staying between us, Grant has to proceed at the same steady pace I am going.  My hope is that the steadiness of pace will in some way wear off.  Secondly, I want him train him away from the strange, cutthroat berserker rage he goes into when people try to be in front of him.  I am in front.  It is fine.  Cross your fingers that it translates into a real life situation.


2.  We let Grant take off at his own pace.  If I saw him walking from where I was, I would yell encouragement.  He was always within sight, but largely on his own.  The two of us did sprint the last few yards, just for kicks.


3.  Grant walked with only me for cooling down.  I spoke in a coach-like manner, and mainly talked about how what we were currently doing was helping.


He seemed happy with the running.  I'm calling it a success.


Two Incidents:


Grant practiced his piano lesson the other day, but it wasn't going well, and he was frustrated, and he was whiny, and he took FOREVER to get done.  I noticed, but didn't say much.  Yesterday, when I reminded him to practice music when he was done with homework, he suddenly made whiny noises, when he was fine only moments ago.  I asked what the trouble was.  "Dad says to remember that music is supposed to be fun, but I don't have any fun at all!"


Knowing that this was an emotional statement, and solely based on yesterday's unsuccessful practice, I gave him a few pointers to make the pressure less.  Things like, "It's more helpful to get the notes right, one at a time, than to have it sound like a song when you are first learning one.  Read each note and play it.  It will get easier the more you do it." And, "If it is not working out - move on to something else and come back to that one.  It's not big deal." 


He played his lesson, and had so much fun that random Kid-Music lasted for 45 minutes after he was done.


For this second incident, I will give you a very brief back-story:  I am the TV Nazi. My kids are not permitted to see anything I haven't seen first.  This rule is sometimes relaxed in the context of being guests at other people's houses who occasionally ignore the fact that they know this about my children and myself....or, even less usual, are truly ignorant of the arrangement.  We are also allowing them to see a very few shows in our presence that we have not specifically previewed.  Most are cooking shows, and the other is Doctor Who.  That one is more of a leap of faith, but Grant and Abbie do love it.


Yesterday, we watched an episode.  It was To Be Continued, and Grant asked to see the next one.  Husband told the kids, "Well, if you get your teeth brushed and your clothes set out for tomorrow..." Grant immediately skipped all preliminaries and went directly into whine-crying and running away with stomping feet.  I stopped him and pointed out the fact that his father had not, in fact, said no.  Grant continued to cry, and we were forced to declare that this behavior removed all possibilities for seeing the show.


Don't remember why I did it, but I pulled Grant aside and asked him if he could stop.  By stopping, I am referring to the emotional outburst.  I held both his hands and asked him if he could.  He said yes.  I asked him to try.  He tried.


He stopped.


He went to brush his teeth, and while he was occupied, I plead his case.  While we don't want to reward an outburst, we do want to reward control of it.  As long as he understands what is being encouraged and what is not, this can be made a VERY useful demonstration.


I went and found Grant and told him that what he had done was HARD.  And he had done a wonderful job.  He could see the episode. 


Husband is the kind of guy who would immediately announce, "Now, this doesn't mean you should pitch a fit and then stop if you want something!!"  Thereby arming the smart child with the wrong knowledge.  Hopefully, I was able to keep him from saying so.  (Still don't know what was said during the tucking in part of the day...)


I am hoping that both of these incidents that ended successfully will also lead to more success in the future.

Unhappy.

I can't believe it.  I was on the phone with my mother, and I accidentally said something and was forced, then, to tell her the whole story of Grant's year.


And it was just as I had always feared.


Maybe worse.


The first thing she did was compare it to my Brother's childhood.  Then she claimed that Grant was worse, and blamed Husband's family and gene pool.  I took that very personally, but didn't say anything.  Then she sounded defeated.  And then she wanted to get off the phone.  And she might have been about to cry.


My mother doesn't cry.




I am a terrible kid.  I know what the right thing is, but I just can't do it, can I?

Mommy Needs a Vacation

Grant and Abbie have both had a rough week.  Grant has grappled with the lack of consistent routine due to what I shall term Snowless Days.  The school has closed twice this week for dangerously low temperatures.  Today it was in session, and the temperature was 5 degrees.  Good sense?  You be the judge.  Abbie, on the other hand, is failing miserably with personal responsibility and organization and it is finally getting so bad that Husband is wanting to make it a punishable offense.


This morning, Grant burst into angry, whiny tears because I didn't give any attention to the pre-tears whining he was directing at me over having to hold the sleeve of his fleece while putting on his coat.  I ignored those, too, until he resorted to slamming doors and pushing into people (next progression on his journey to explosion).  Here is what I said when we got in the car:


"Grant, unfortunately for you, I can tell the difference between someone who is upset but is trying not to be, and someone who is secretly enjoying it, and trying to make other people get angry so he has another reason to pitch a fit.  You, right now, are trying to make us angry because you feel like crying and you would like a reason to do it.  But it is a school day.  You do not have time for this.  What we are doing right now is getting ready for school.  That is Abbie's job; that is your job.  You don't have to like it.  What you think about getting ready does not matter.  It needs to get done.  If you still feel this way when we get to school, then I can take you into the office to calm down.  There is no reason to make everyone have a bad day just because you aren't willing to control yourself."


Then, when we got to school, I casually mentioned that if Grant didn't have a terrible day, we might go to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight.


"Grant?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't have a terrible day."  *wink*
*Smile*


Hope it works.


***  Yep.  Just got a call from the school.  Not about Grant, though.


So.  Abbie's teacher called me because of a note I sent to school with Abbie this morning.  Or so I thought.  Abbie had been doing such things as forgetting her lunchbox at school, then losing the bag lunch we send the next day, and then buy lunch without asking, and not tell us (forgot).  Twice now, this entire scenario has taken place.  And she forgot her lunch box again. I wrote a note to the teacher saying that if Abbie forgets her lunch, she has to go to the office and call us before she may purchase a school lunch.  (Not a punishment.  I just would like to know when I owe money, hey?)


The teacher was actually calling about a message I left her a week ago because Grant's report card came home....but Abbie's, not.  Apparently she forgot it on her desk.  No one has seen it since, including the teacher.  The note I actually sent to the teacher.....didn't make it to her.  Who is surprised? 


We talked.  Organization and personal responsibility are going to be encouraged at school AND home.  Also, Abbie's teacher said that this sort of inattention was a typical side effect of her being, "so brilliant."  My, but I do like that lady!  >_< 


(And to tell you the truth, I was starting to wonder if maybe she wasn't that bright, and I was only insisting she was out of fondness...)


Wish I could get this level of cooperation from Grant's teacher.


I must go to work now.  Wishing you all a day of emotional calm and acceptance.  And good health.

Tiredness is a killer.

Did I ever tell you what Grant and Abbie are going to be when they grow up?

Grant has had several plans - as well he should.  First, he wanted to build robots in space.  Then, he wanted to be Indiana Jones.  I think most recently he has expressed a desire to be a geologist who goes into space to study rocks from other planets.  I have been told that there is a name for this, but it escapes me at present.  Space + Science = Grant's lofty future plans.  He also plans to attend the university formerly known as UMR, and live in Arizona afterward, since he was born there.


Abbie has had but one plan.  She wants to own a tea shop.  She wants to serve bubble tea at her tea shop.  Aaaaaaand that's about it.  For her small business owner's degree, she also plans to go to college in Rolla.  No official word on where she will open her shop.


I wanted you to know that I have been looking up Second Brilliant Child Syndrome, which you will recall I made up one day.  So far I haven't come up with anything, but along the way I read an article saying that if you suspect you have a gifted child, it is something that you should bring up with your child's pediatrician.  I never thought to do that.
 
"When worrisome health issues present at a pediatric doctor office, and if the doctor has a strong background knowledge of giftedness, he or she will be better positioned to understand and differentiate the symptoms from signs of giftedness, thus resulting in fewer misdiagnoses and fewer inappropriate medical treatments. If a doctor remains unsure of a presenting diagnosis, strong background knowledge of giftedness will still make it far easier to appropriately make any needed referrals, thus finding quicker answers for the parents and child. - See more at: http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/where-does-a-pediatric-doctor-fit-in-the-care-of-gifted-children#sthash.iqkYH9DB.dpuf"


Back to the present.  Grant and Abbie spent the weekend with my mother.  I was told that they stayed up an hour past their regular bedtime.  When we picked them up, Grant had been asleep in the car, but insisted that he was merely resting.  So defensive!  I wonder why he doesn't embrace car sleeping.  Then, he was whiny.  Probably, he was tired.  But it was a pretty severe case.  Husband made it a hundred times worse by yelling.  Then we had Grant crying and backing away from us in a grocery store.  Great.  Well, I went to him and asked if we could work together and just get the shopping done, and please get past our upset-ness for now.  He agreed, and did a tolerable job.  The crying and backing away stopped, and he only occasionally did random things designed to make us frustrated and explosive.


At home, we started our Sunday ritual of Family Game Night, where we play board games together.  We picked Boggle.  My favorite.  We had another explosion from Husband over a pencil, and whiny Grant-ness both before and after that.  And poor sportsmanship from Grant, which is typical of him, but we all successfully ignored his negative commentary, and he didn't have the energy to pursue it.
By the next Grant fit, it was my turn to be Fed Up.  I had him come and stand in front of me and listen to a list of 4 things he needed to consider.  It was all perfectly reasonable and logical and do-able.  However, I failed utterly in the emotion-less voice.  There were probably flames flickering behind my eyes.


This morning had a rough start, too.
Good vibes would be appreciated, Friends.

Gifted + Stimuli = !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For your perusal, I offer...[drumroll, please!].....Psychomotor..uh..ness! In green!


[APPLAUSE]




Apparently, there was more to psychomotor than I was previously aware:




PSYCHOMOTOR OVEREXCITABILITY Psychomotor OE is a heightened excitability of the neuromuscular system. This Psychomotor intensity includes a “capacity for being active and energetic” (Piechowski, 1991, p. 287), love of movement for its own sake, surplus of energy demonstrated by rapid speech, zealous enthusiasm, intense physical activity, and a need for action (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977; Piechowski, 1979, 1991). When feeling emotionally tense, individuals strong in Psychomotor OE may talk compulsively, act impulsively, misbehave and act out, display nervous habits, show intense drive (tending towards “workaholism”), compulsively organize, or become quite competitive. They derive great joy from their boundless physical and verbal enthusiasm and activity, but others may find them overwhelming. At home and at school, these children seem never to be still. They may talk constantly. Adults and peers want to tell them to sit down and be quiet! The Psychomotor OE child has the potential of being misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
PSYCHOMOTOR STRATEGIES Allow time for physical or verbal activity, before, during, and after normal daily and school activities-these individuals love to “do” and need to “do.” Build activity and movement into their lives. Be sure the physical or verbal activities are acceptable and not distracting to those around them. This may take some work, but it can be a fun project and beneficial to all. Provide time for spontaneity and open-ended, freewheeling activities. These tend to favor the needs of a person high in Psychomotor OE.


EMOTIONAL OVEREXCITABILITY Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions, identification with others’ feelings, and strong affective expression (Piechowski, 1991). Other manifestations include physical responses like stomachaches and blushing or concern with death and depression (Piechowski, 1979). Emotionally overexcitable people have a remarkable capacity for deep relationships; they show strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977). They have compassion, empathy, and sensitivity in relation-ships. Those with strong Emotional OE are acutely aware of their own feelings, of how they are growing and changing, and often carry on inner dialogs and practice self-judgment (Piechowski, 1979, 1991). Children high in Emotional OE‚ are often accused of “overreacting.” Their compassion and concern for others, their focus on relationships, and the intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes.
EMOTIONAL STRATEGIES Accept all feelings, regardless of intensity. For people who are not highly emotional, this seems particularly odd. They feel that those high in Emotional OE are just being melodramatic. But if we accept their emotional intensity and help them work through any problems that might result, we will facilitate healthy growth. Teach individuals to anticipate physical and emotional responses and prepare for them. Emotionally intense people often don’t know when they are becoming so overwrought that they may lose control or may have physical responses to their emotions. Help them to identify the physical warning signs of their emotional stress such as headache, sweaty palms, and stomachache. By knowing the warning signs and acting on them early, individuals will be better able to cope with emotional situations and not lose control.


I included the one for emotional overexciteability, but there is more if you care to visit this site:  http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted


Anyway, Grant's checklist would include talking compulsively, nervous habits, competitiveness and verbal enthusiasm.  Also intense feelings, strong emotional attachments, and overreacting. 


As far as I am aware, psychomotor does not encompass anything remotely Abbie.  But as I have said before, she is not an open book, so I could be incorrect at this point.

Now, don't you feel better now that you know what it's called?  I know I do!  Well...kinda.  Okay...not really.  But it was worth reading.  Every little bit helps.  Right?


Wishing you an excellent weekend..or what is left of it.  :)

Can we have school now?

Today, after 21 days in a row at home with the kids, I went to work.


I'm working tomorrow, too, and Husband is taking the kids with him when he gets and oil change and visits his sister.  It will be good for them to get out.  The whole "even children who are best friends need a break" thing, you know.


I fully admit that my patience has been low these last few days, and these last few are the days when the patience has really been tried. [Had to double check to make sure I didn't write tired.  That, too.]  Abbie's usual problem, the Rude Sistervoice, and Grant's usual problem, irritating Abbie until she uses said voice, were highly prevalent, as well as some other issues, such as:


* Running in the house, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Pulling on the curtains, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Leaving food trash on tables, chairs, and the floor, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Neglecting the poor, hungry dogs.
* General Not Listening-ness.
* Running in the house again, despite still being in trouble for having run in the house 3 minutes ago.


Trying to coach Grant away from his psychomotor tendencies (that means Chatterbox times 100), but shouldn't when I sound so Fed Up.  Counterproductive.  [The goal is to get him to do less talking "at" people, and more talking "with" people.]


He also has this habit of calling Abbie a monster.  He thinks this is an affectionate term, but Abbie only agrees with that sentiment part of the time.  I think continuation could be bad for both of them.....maybe.  Hard to say.


Gah!


Anyway, I have a splitting headache.  Not really.  Just a drilling one.  Either way, I'm off to find Motrin, and my bed. 


Wishing all of you a pleasant weekend.

Starting a New Year

Happy 2014!

I got my husband a game of Laser Khet 2.0 for Christmas.  Grant - who learned chess two-ish years ago, but didn't pursue it much - has been playing it with him.  And winning, mostly.  I just learned to play this morning, but can't tell yet whether it is just right for me, or not at all.  We also bought a cool game called Code Breaker for Abbie, and played that last night.

Funny Abbie stories:

We were scrubbing the baseboards during/after painting a week ago, and I said, "Somebody sing something!!"  Abbie started singing, "Hard Knock Life."

So funny.

Just now I decided to make some tea, and Abbie wanted some, too.  As I was putting the kettle on, she started whistling "Tea For Two".

She really has an incredible musical memory.  And her art work is so ridiculously charming, too.  This is one of hers:

The shoe laces are my favorite, I think.

 



Whatever type she is...if she's a type, it's one I don't have much experience with.  She picks the trashiest friends....  I think it's time she became as much a priority as Grant.

My two bright babies.

This year, we will do great things for and with them.  Wait and see.