That previous post was actually written in early November. I never finished it. That's kind of what this season has been like.
Grant continues to have troubles. My husband is going through a rough time looking for a new job, at the same time that Grant is beginning to be petulant when asked to do anything he doesn't want to. My not being here until mid to late evening is so hard, as now I don't know who is the instigating party. What I do know is that I have come home to those two fighting almost every day this week and last, and Abbie getting away with not doing as she has been asked, due to the distraction.
We all participated in a 5K in mid November, which my dad joined us for. He and Grant both finished first in their age group, and got medals. I ran and walked with Abbie and kept her going. We made horrible time, of course, but it was fun. I made her run all the downhills, of which there were many - to go with the many uphills.
Now it is December. Tomorrow we are having our Deck The Halls day, when we decorate and listen to/sing carols and write letters to Santa and such like. On Monday, new realtors are coming, whom we might hire to sell our house. I both crave and fear the moment when we change schools. I want to leave the current school district, but I know that it will be a horrible experience for Grant to leave the classmates who are used to him, and who forgive so much from him. Abbie still gravitates to the trashiest kids in school. I want the trashiest kids to be of a better quality.
I'm trying to get through this season as best I can, but I won't deny that my worries going into this month are more serious than those of September and October. I have even considered getting the book out again. I have considered taking Grant to be professionally evaluated. I have begun to doubt myself and everyone involved again. To cry again. To sit up nights again.
Did I Mention it's 3 am?
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Parent-teacher conferences were, on the whole, a relief. Grant has had a great year, and his amazing teacher is super fond of him. She promised to tell me if he had any rough days.
I heard from her last week.
Grant woke up in a terrible mood on Monday. No idea what might have contributed, but it was undeniable. He was emotional and frustrated and short tempered and a complete pain. I tried to get him to calm down, but it didn't seem to work. I got a call and two emails from the teacher. (Love that woman.)
The big problem: Grant hitting himself in the face/head out of frustration. Think Rainman.
Well, you might recall that I had seen this once before. After I got home, I talked with Grant, but avoided asking what happened. Instead we just talked about being upset at school.
Me: Grant, you know that hitting someone when you are upset is not okay, right?
G: yeah.
Me: Well, hitting yourself is just as not okay.
G: *looks upset and on the verge of frustrated tears*
Me: I notice that when you are upset, your body is upset, too. You rub your feet together, and clench your fists and grimace... It's all very physical. Let's both try to think if things that you can physically do, even in line, that won't cause problems for you or anyone else.
Grant seemed pleased at that conversation. He gave me a big hug. I wonder if part of it was that someone noticed, and he didn't have to go through the difficulty of trying to explain.
I called his teacher about it. She offered Grant a stress ball to keep in his desk and carry on the days that feel to Grant like Monday did. I was not prepared for Grant's reaction. He was so relieved and happy that he almost burst into tears. Obviously, a big moment for me as well. Such a small thing. Such a big help. At least he feels prepared now.
As for Abbie, her conference was different from Grant's, and different from her usual, as well. Abbie's teacher praised her academics (she's on the principal's honor roll for straight A's. Grant had two A-.) She is actually going to save a paragraph Abbie wrote to use in all her future classes. Teachers used to do that with my work, as well. I was just surprised she asked my permission. She thinks Abbie's listening skills are impressive, too. But her behavior with the other kids is not okay. First of all, she picks her friends unwisely. Then, she is uncooperative and controling, especially during group work.
I heard from her last week.
Grant woke up in a terrible mood on Monday. No idea what might have contributed, but it was undeniable. He was emotional and frustrated and short tempered and a complete pain. I tried to get him to calm down, but it didn't seem to work. I got a call and two emails from the teacher. (Love that woman.)
The big problem: Grant hitting himself in the face/head out of frustration. Think Rainman.
Well, you might recall that I had seen this once before. After I got home, I talked with Grant, but avoided asking what happened. Instead we just talked about being upset at school.
Me: Grant, you know that hitting someone when you are upset is not okay, right?
G: yeah.
Me: Well, hitting yourself is just as not okay.
G: *looks upset and on the verge of frustrated tears*
Me: I notice that when you are upset, your body is upset, too. You rub your feet together, and clench your fists and grimace... It's all very physical. Let's both try to think if things that you can physically do, even in line, that won't cause problems for you or anyone else.
Grant seemed pleased at that conversation. He gave me a big hug. I wonder if part of it was that someone noticed, and he didn't have to go through the difficulty of trying to explain.
I called his teacher about it. She offered Grant a stress ball to keep in his desk and carry on the days that feel to Grant like Monday did. I was not prepared for Grant's reaction. He was so relieved and happy that he almost burst into tears. Obviously, a big moment for me as well. Such a small thing. Such a big help. At least he feels prepared now.
As for Abbie, her conference was different from Grant's, and different from her usual, as well. Abbie's teacher praised her academics (she's on the principal's honor roll for straight A's. Grant had two A-.) She is actually going to save a paragraph Abbie wrote to use in all her future classes. Teachers used to do that with my work, as well. I was just surprised she asked my permission. She thinks Abbie's listening skills are impressive, too. But her behavior with the other kids is not okay. First of all, she picks her friends unwisely. Then, she is uncooperative and controling, especially during group work.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Year.
Okay, Friends. This is it!
A year ago, I showed up to Fall Parent-Teacher Conferences, and found out that there were problems relating to my son that I had not been made aware of (despite my absolutely IMMEDIATE proximity). This past year has taught me a lot about my kids, and made me aware of many parenting possibilities. I think I've come pretty much full circle. I think both of my kids are pretty normal. I think the things I thought were important are still important. I think my parenting style IS what my kids need. I also think Grant's teacher last year was the bulk of the problem, and that the counselor was indulgent to a fault. And I think the worry I felt pretty much took over my common sense. I'm glad the kids (and their mother) had good days in the summer to chill out. Because that's what we needed to do.
I feel confident that I know what is needed. I feel confident that my children are well cared for. I feel confident that they have the ability to succeed.
But ask me again in an hour. :P
A year ago, I showed up to Fall Parent-Teacher Conferences, and found out that there were problems relating to my son that I had not been made aware of (despite my absolutely IMMEDIATE proximity). This past year has taught me a lot about my kids, and made me aware of many parenting possibilities. I think I've come pretty much full circle. I think both of my kids are pretty normal. I think the things I thought were important are still important. I think my parenting style IS what my kids need. I also think Grant's teacher last year was the bulk of the problem, and that the counselor was indulgent to a fault. And I think the worry I felt pretty much took over my common sense. I'm glad the kids (and their mother) had good days in the summer to chill out. Because that's what we needed to do.
I feel confident that I know what is needed. I feel confident that my children are well cared for. I feel confident that they have the ability to succeed.
But ask me again in an hour. :P
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Need to Move....Right?
Grant is in soccer. I missed his first few games because I am a terrible mother who makes commitments to people who aren't family members and then honors them at the cost of her own babies.
I saw Grant's game today. He scored the first goal. He's kind of a ball hog, and an exhaustive forward, but his focus kind of evaporates when he has to play defense. Is this regular 10 year old boy stuff, or ADD? Doesn't actually matter that much. When he's out for a break, he paces and cheers his team on. Today, a dear friend of ours was playing on the opposing team. It made me super happy to see the boys play hard against each other, but still shout encouragement when not directly engaged.
Abbie had a great time playing with the rest of the friend's family. We love them. I hid under an umbrella, because I am skilled at burning through 2 kinds of high SPF sunscreen, and there was no cover. Game was fun.
Other stuff...less fun.
Husband sits on the couch in the living room most days and checks email or plays games on his IPAD anytime he isn't eating. I don't approve of teaching the kids that anytime you don't have something else to do, you should sit and play computer games and ignore those around you. He says I'm the same because my chair is in front of MY computer, and I play music. But I don't see it that way, because I'm playing the music for them. It's a fair argument, though.
I just hate that I don't come home Tuesday and Thursday, and on Monday and Friday I don't get home until after 6. (Wednesday is music lesson day, when I get off work at 2, drive 45 minutes to get the kids, pick them up, and drive 30 minutes back over the same roads, have lessons, and then drive back home.) And he knows that saying that I'm never here for the kids will hurt.
It did.
Parent teacher conferences are coming at the end of next month. I'm going to them. Even though I have to take off work with no pay, and Husband could just "work" from home.
If we moved....I would get home earlier. Would that help me not feel like this? They would be in better schools. Would I worry less? Would it help?
I saw Grant's game today. He scored the first goal. He's kind of a ball hog, and an exhaustive forward, but his focus kind of evaporates when he has to play defense. Is this regular 10 year old boy stuff, or ADD? Doesn't actually matter that much. When he's out for a break, he paces and cheers his team on. Today, a dear friend of ours was playing on the opposing team. It made me super happy to see the boys play hard against each other, but still shout encouragement when not directly engaged.
Abbie had a great time playing with the rest of the friend's family. We love them. I hid under an umbrella, because I am skilled at burning through 2 kinds of high SPF sunscreen, and there was no cover. Game was fun.
Other stuff...less fun.
Husband sits on the couch in the living room most days and checks email or plays games on his IPAD anytime he isn't eating. I don't approve of teaching the kids that anytime you don't have something else to do, you should sit and play computer games and ignore those around you. He says I'm the same because my chair is in front of MY computer, and I play music. But I don't see it that way, because I'm playing the music for them. It's a fair argument, though.
I just hate that I don't come home Tuesday and Thursday, and on Monday and Friday I don't get home until after 6. (Wednesday is music lesson day, when I get off work at 2, drive 45 minutes to get the kids, pick them up, and drive 30 minutes back over the same roads, have lessons, and then drive back home.) And he knows that saying that I'm never here for the kids will hurt.
It did.
Parent teacher conferences are coming at the end of next month. I'm going to them. Even though I have to take off work with no pay, and Husband could just "work" from home.
If we moved....I would get home earlier. Would that help me not feel like this? They would be in better schools. Would I worry less? Would it help?
Monday, September 15, 2014
There are no tears like the ones we weep for our children.
Bad day.
We got progress reports Friday. Well, when I say that, I mean that the kids did. I was out of town this weekend. I got them ready for picture day, Husband took them to school, and I didn't see them again until Sunday night.
I do not feel great about that.
So. Progress reports. Grant got a C in reading. If you've met him, you know that something is up. He reads ALL THE TIME. Not wanting to freak him out, I mentioned it to him when I saw it on Sunday, but gently.
Me: I saw your Progress report.
G: Yeah....my reading.
Me: So, what happened? I know you've been reading. Was there something else? Did you have trouble on a test, or was there a paper you needed?
This is how I found out that Grant was supposed to have a reading log, which we were to be signing. *sigh*
We talked about it in reasonable tones, and then at the end I found out he had already had nearly the same conversation with my husband on Friday. Well, at least we are consistent.
Inspired by this transaction, Husband has been working on the afternoon routine and getting the homework organized and accounted for. That's what was going on when I came home. Then, Grant started to get...The Voice. You know the one I mean. The one that indicates the rise of bile and discontent. The one that promises a fit before bed.
Promise fulfilled.
And then. As if sending my son to bed early wasn't enough, I walked by and he proceeded to hit himself in the face.
In the split second I had to decide something, I decided that this was an attention seeking behavior. So I marched him to bed and left without the Mother-Son talk and without anything else. Just bed. No. Attention.
Then I proceeded to A. Cry in my room, and B. Have a heated discussion with Husband about what the right thing to do is.
Do you know?
We got progress reports Friday. Well, when I say that, I mean that the kids did. I was out of town this weekend. I got them ready for picture day, Husband took them to school, and I didn't see them again until Sunday night.
I do not feel great about that.
So. Progress reports. Grant got a C in reading. If you've met him, you know that something is up. He reads ALL THE TIME. Not wanting to freak him out, I mentioned it to him when I saw it on Sunday, but gently.
Me: I saw your Progress report.
G: Yeah....my reading.
Me: So, what happened? I know you've been reading. Was there something else? Did you have trouble on a test, or was there a paper you needed?
This is how I found out that Grant was supposed to have a reading log, which we were to be signing. *sigh*
We talked about it in reasonable tones, and then at the end I found out he had already had nearly the same conversation with my husband on Friday. Well, at least we are consistent.
Inspired by this transaction, Husband has been working on the afternoon routine and getting the homework organized and accounted for. That's what was going on when I came home. Then, Grant started to get...The Voice. You know the one I mean. The one that indicates the rise of bile and discontent. The one that promises a fit before bed.
Promise fulfilled.
And then. As if sending my son to bed early wasn't enough, I walked by and he proceeded to hit himself in the face.
In the split second I had to decide something, I decided that this was an attention seeking behavior. So I marched him to bed and left without the Mother-Son talk and without anything else. Just bed. No. Attention.
Then I proceeded to A. Cry in my room, and B. Have a heated discussion with Husband about what the right thing to do is.
Do you know?
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Spare Time, What's That?
A new school year and a new beginning.
I don't really know what to say. I'm working full time, and don't get home until 6:00 p.m. I feel very separated from the kids and their schooling, and it's upsetting. I try, though, not to feel upset, since everything seems to be fine.
Grant's teacher is what I was hoping she would be, and he has had no problems in her class. We did have one really awful morning last week at home, but that is the exception and not the rule, at least this month.
Today isn't going so well, either.
I've said it before, but it's easy to be pleasant when everything is going your way. What shows true strength of character is behaving well - even pleasantly - when things are NOT going your way. I have said this to my son and he knows it. I think that even though he is bright, this is not something a child can truly process. We are back to the consequences of our actions thing, only in a somewhat metaphorical adaptation.
No, I don't know why I'm talking like that. I can't just say something today.
The Mark System. Doing that.
At least I am. I'm not sure Husband has been enforcing it, which is to say, he's teaching my children to go ahead and misbehave, since there is a reasonable chance that all consequences will be forgotten.
But I'm still busy with my other obligations and haven't been home. How much guilt can one woman brew up? Let's find out.
Abbie is not making progress in personal grooming or personal responsibility, either. In fact, she and Grant have both been taking advantage of Husband's complete illiteracy in the field of music by telling him they've practiced their music lessons, when really they've just gone into their rooms and made a few sounds. Disgraceful.
So. From a few steps back, we are having a great year and doing extremely well, but when you take a closer look, we have much to work on, and much to improve.
*sigh*
I don't really know what to say. I'm working full time, and don't get home until 6:00 p.m. I feel very separated from the kids and their schooling, and it's upsetting. I try, though, not to feel upset, since everything seems to be fine.
Grant's teacher is what I was hoping she would be, and he has had no problems in her class. We did have one really awful morning last week at home, but that is the exception and not the rule, at least this month.
Today isn't going so well, either.
I've said it before, but it's easy to be pleasant when everything is going your way. What shows true strength of character is behaving well - even pleasantly - when things are NOT going your way. I have said this to my son and he knows it. I think that even though he is bright, this is not something a child can truly process. We are back to the consequences of our actions thing, only in a somewhat metaphorical adaptation.
No, I don't know why I'm talking like that. I can't just say something today.
The Mark System. Doing that.
At least I am. I'm not sure Husband has been enforcing it, which is to say, he's teaching my children to go ahead and misbehave, since there is a reasonable chance that all consequences will be forgotten.
But I'm still busy with my other obligations and haven't been home. How much guilt can one woman brew up? Let's find out.
Abbie is not making progress in personal grooming or personal responsibility, either. In fact, she and Grant have both been taking advantage of Husband's complete illiteracy in the field of music by telling him they've practiced their music lessons, when really they've just gone into their rooms and made a few sounds. Disgraceful.
So. From a few steps back, we are having a great year and doing extremely well, but when you take a closer look, we have much to work on, and much to improve.
*sigh*
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Fall is Nearing
Still in the same school district. It's like un-Christmas. :(
Josh wants the kids to do fall soccer, but I just got asked by my work to start working full time. I really don't have any idea how they are going to get to practices. I wonder if he's realized that they are too old for co-ed teams.
Itching to move, but not even a bite on the house.
The kids play hard at "Summer Camp". They are both tan. Grant has 2 skinned knees. Very boy-normal. I guess things are fine.
Right?
Monday, July 14, 2014
Well, I was wondering.
I wondered when it would happen.
The one benefit of the old school, horrible as it was, is that most of those kids there have known Grant his whole life, and even if they don't enjoy him, they are used to him. This is the first chance he has had to be a stranger to other kids, and then attempt to find a place among them.
Today, Grant told me (unwillingly - I forced it out of him after suspicious indifference to saying goodbye when being picked up) that two boys in his class (of 10) bother him. I asked for an example. He says that they try to get him out every time there is a game. They don't try to get everyone out. They try to get him out.
I'm weighing my approach options:
1. Try to find out what he is doing that makes the boys want to get Grant out.
2. Tell Grant that one can't be everyone's cup of tea, and to learn to be polite to people who don't like him.
3. Encourage a more positive, laid back attitude to all things, thereby coming off as more generally pleasing.
4. Ask the school for more details about the situation.
5. Let it go un-lectured. It will either work itself out, or we the end of summer camp will happen.
6. Tell Grant that he is probably over-reacting and that they are just being boys/or doesn't mean anything/doesn't mean much.
Thoughts?
In the meantime, maybe I will reinforce with Grant the things that he knows about himself: He is a good reader. He is a good runner. He likes to help.
His birthday is coming up, and we've only started shopping recently. Summer is going quickly!
In other news, I walked by the Lost and Found when picking up the kids, and nothing of Abbie's was there! She doesn't seem to have any social issues, and she has started finishing books she starts, but is still largely a slob. We're working on it.
We're working on all of it.
Please, someone buy my house. I'm dreading August the 14th.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
So Close....CLLLOOOOSSSE!
Things are good! We are still doing the marks. Kids are still enjoying summer. They are now at the fancy, schmancy private school for 3 weeks. I really wish I could afford to send them full time.
*sigh*
Everything is going really well right now, except for the house sale. If we were happily moving into one of the neighborhoods we like this month, I couldn't be happier. Well...that and joining my friends on their trip to Japan.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Even Sailing
I'm noticing that we don't seem to have as many meltdowns lately. I'm not sure if this is because of the relaxed feeling of Summer School, or if we are really improving, or if it is just a phase, but I wanted to actually put down in writing that I APPRECIATE IT.
Abbie is still a slob. She had to have her hair cut short because she wasn't taking care of it. It is chin-length, which suits her enormously, and she is still not caring for it, but at least has fewer tangles to weep over.
Grant told me he had some issues today, but when questioned, he couldn't even remember if they were with an adult or a student. Don't know whether to file that under So Unimportant He Didn't Bother To Remember, or So Frequent That He Loses Track. Hopefully the former.
We have a new system in our house that I haven't told you about. It goes like this: If you break any rule you knew about, or don't listen to a direction you were just given by an adult, you get a mark. Each mark represents bed time being taken back 5 minutes. (Any sort of emotional display when this is being implemented results in a mark for the following day.) It works the best when one of them has to go to bed, but the other doesn't. Strangely, they are pretty symmetrical and usually get the same amount. So far - so good! The thing I like best about it is that it is so NORMAL. It's so Everyfamily. I feel very comfy and secure. Mostly. But it beats feeling like I have to go to great lengths to help my Abnormal Children. Really, there is absolutely nothing abnormal about them. They are both KIDS.
I just sent them out to play tag. Run, my children, run!
Wishing you all a drama free day. Sending hugs and happy thoughts.
Abbie is still a slob. She had to have her hair cut short because she wasn't taking care of it. It is chin-length, which suits her enormously, and she is still not caring for it, but at least has fewer tangles to weep over.
Grant told me he had some issues today, but when questioned, he couldn't even remember if they were with an adult or a student. Don't know whether to file that under So Unimportant He Didn't Bother To Remember, or So Frequent That He Loses Track. Hopefully the former.
We have a new system in our house that I haven't told you about. It goes like this: If you break any rule you knew about, or don't listen to a direction you were just given by an adult, you get a mark. Each mark represents bed time being taken back 5 minutes. (Any sort of emotional display when this is being implemented results in a mark for the following day.) It works the best when one of them has to go to bed, but the other doesn't. Strangely, they are pretty symmetrical and usually get the same amount. So far - so good! The thing I like best about it is that it is so NORMAL. It's so Everyfamily. I feel very comfy and secure. Mostly. But it beats feeling like I have to go to great lengths to help my Abnormal Children. Really, there is absolutely nothing abnormal about them. They are both KIDS.
I just sent them out to play tag. Run, my children, run!
Wishing you all a drama free day. Sending hugs and happy thoughts.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Summer has arrived.
The month of May was not the worst one. We still did occasionally have rough mornings with Grant, but didn't hear anything worrisome from the school. This is partly due to the fact that his classroom teacher stopped filling out the purple notebook. Abbie didn't show any great signs of improvement in the personal responsibility or Bossyvoice areas. I think in general she was making a slow and steady increase of awareness regarding her possessions, but a decrease of a similar nature in anger management.
The second to last day of school, I got an email from the counselor about Grant. She didn't know the details, but Grant was back to his old problem of pitching a fit when he is last in line. I didn't answer it this time.
For summer school, which starts Wednesday, Abbie has a new teacher and Grant has his wonderful, awesome teacher from second grade. I am super excited. It is what is best for both of them, as far as I can tell beforehand. And I really, really, REALLY want this to be Grant's last experience with the school district. It is the note I would choose to end on.
Will someone PLEASE buy my house??!!?
Took the kids to lots of visits, lately. They came with us to my brother's college best friend's house and played very well with his son. This weekend we went to a first birthday party, and Grant and Abbie got along well with the other children. They played well yesterday with the neighbor girl who came over. And there will be other kids to play with at Summer School and at Andrews Academy when they go there for the month of July. Crossing my fingers.
Need to look into some running options for Grant for this summer and fall.
Hope you are all well. It's going to be a busy summer!
The second to last day of school, I got an email from the counselor about Grant. She didn't know the details, but Grant was back to his old problem of pitching a fit when he is last in line. I didn't answer it this time.
For summer school, which starts Wednesday, Abbie has a new teacher and Grant has his wonderful, awesome teacher from second grade. I am super excited. It is what is best for both of them, as far as I can tell beforehand. And I really, really, REALLY want this to be Grant's last experience with the school district. It is the note I would choose to end on.
Will someone PLEASE buy my house??!!?
Took the kids to lots of visits, lately. They came with us to my brother's college best friend's house and played very well with his son. This weekend we went to a first birthday party, and Grant and Abbie got along well with the other children. They played well yesterday with the neighbor girl who came over. And there will be other kids to play with at Summer School and at Andrews Academy when they go there for the month of July. Crossing my fingers.
Need to look into some running options for Grant for this summer and fall.
Hope you are all well. It's going to be a busy summer!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Engineers are cool.
So the last two weekends have been super great. This one is not over yet, technically, but I've decided that to update you before the inevitable meltdown, I might have to rush things a bit.
So! Last weekend Abbie had her violin recital. Except for the part when she flashed the whole room fixing her sock and forgetting she wasn't wearing shorts under her dress, she was super great and very cute. She pretty much never watched her music, and didn't smile much, but it was more than all the other kids combined.
After the recital, there was a short reception. I somehow ended up pouring juice for the whole room. Then we hot footed it over to Buffalo Wild Wings just in time to watch the derby horses load up. We always pick horses, of course. None of us won, but it was still great fun. Even better was the next morning when the kids were making up race horse names:
1. Cow
2. Ordinary
3. I Cleaned My Stall
4. DNF (I dedicate this one to Danny.)
5. Mow The Lawn
6. Ice Cram For Dinner
7. I've Been To Wyoming (?!?!?!?!)
8. I'm On Steroids
Kids are funny. Smart kids are super funny.
They did this on the way to the air show in Chesterfield. Two worst parts of the day: 1. Very serious sunburn. 2. Lost an hour searching for the car (while experiencing said sunburn). Two best parts of the day: 1. Blue Angels!!!! 2. The Science Technology Engineering Math, or STEM, expo.
So.
Much.
Fun.
Flight simulators, electromagnets, soap making, robots....there was science everywhere. They LOVED it, and I had a great time watching them love it. (And I might have loved it a little bit, myself.)
This weekend, I was in Rolla for an event, and then the kids joined me on Friday night. We spent today playing music and also building them a tree house at my parents' house. It's SUPER high, but not very large. Anyway, Grant was a great helper (baby engineer). And my dad loved that. Grant, you might not be surprised to discover, is fully capable of concentrating on something he wants to do. His foot wasn't even tapping. Tell him to practice piano, though, and he cannot keep himself still.
Does this sound like a disorder to you? 'Cause I don't think so.
So I am back to my (nearly) original thought process: Grant has no self discipline. He has no self control. But it is not a chemical problem. This is just something that he is going to have to learn to deal with. And we are going to have to deal with it too, obviously.
With Abbie, we are also still working on personal responsibility. We are going through either a period or relapse....or maybe it was only an illusion that she was trying for a while. Every room she leaves has something of hers after she goes. It's almost funny.
Almost.
Anyway, we are enjoying the weekend. Hope you are, too.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Wednesday....so, not a pattern after all.
Another horrible evening. Worst so far, maybe. I think we tried to many different tactics. I explained things, Husband gave "strikes", we added physical exercises to the "strikes" so Grant ended up doing push-ups. Then, Husband went back to treating him the age he acted, but I think it was far too late to expect improvement. He brushed Grant's teeth anyway. It was like new parents with an infant. How do you make it stop screaming?!?
Why did this happen? Grant asked Abbie if she wanted to play a second game with him. She said no thank you, she would rather read. Yes, that was it. From that moment, he was hell bent on having an explosion. I pointed this out, and recommended he not end the day that way. So, he threw himself on the floor instead of preparing for bed time. I told him that if he had that much free time, maybe he would be so kind as to vacuum the living room.
Fit, of course.
So, so spoiled. My latest theory is that all of this research is nice and all, but the problem is that I have a spoiled child. He knows what he should do. He is somehow being allowed to not do it. I just have to figure out where that is happening and stop it. I've already decided that Grant and Abbie are about to have fewer choices. No asking what they want for dinner. No asking what movie they want to watch. It isn't fair to treat people like they get to be in charge and then expect them not to feel the same way.
No, if you'll excuse me, I am going to my room to cry. A lot.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Week, Weekend, Grant's 5K
First, the 5K!
Placement: 52/273 runners
Run Time: 28 minutes, 43 seconds
Yay! All goals were met. He walked less, ran better and also improved his time. Yay for my little runner! We had bananas and bagels for breakfast before the run. My parents were in town especially to see him. Afterward, we had deli sandwiches from Poppy J's. Grant and Abbie both requested tuna salad sandwiches. The rest of us had tri-tip. They serve it on white with Swiss cheese and horseradish mayo. SO YUMMY! The only thing that can improve upon it is a giant slice of tomato, but Husband forgot to ask.
Thursday was bad. Grant woke up in a fighting mood. We have recently told him that he needs to act his age, or we will treat him like the age he is behaving. Thursday morning I put his socks and shoes on for him. He didn't like that one bit. I also made him hold my hand as we walked to the car. I told him to stop something - or we weren't going - as we were getting in the car, and I could see it in his eyes that he didn't believe I meant it. To no one's surprise, he tried to see if I would notice the offence if it were quieter. So I sent him to school with Husband instead. At school, he reportedly flipped his desk in a fit of rage. Strangely, he was not sent to the counselor or anything for that. The bad day continued until a very early bedtime. LONG day.
The next bad day, sadly, was Saturday after the run. My parents had left, and Grant was refusing to practice his music. (Meaning that he was sitting there slouching, or playing older songs that weren't on the lesson, or just messing around. He was hoping that I would later buy it when he said he'd practiced. Not so much.) I could see him trying to work up a spectacular tantrum, so I just gave him a choice:
"Grant, you have a choice. You can act like 9-year-old boy and get this done and out of the way, or you can pitch a fit. If you get it done, you will have free time afterward. If you pitch the fit, I will send you to bed right now. You get to choose."
He chose fit. I bet he doesn't next time, though. It was only 1:30 and I really did make him lie down the rest of the day. What really got me, though, was that he was still trying SO, SO hard to manipulate my feelings. The pathetic, "Mommy, can I please have a hug???" was enough to make me sneak away to my own room and cry. Mean kid. It's my fault, though. When he was little I always promised myself that he would be allowed a hug - even if he was bad. Now he uses it to make me cry. On purpose. I guess I should have known better.
Fortunately, he has been fine since. Well...to my knowledge. He "forgot" the infamous purple behavior notebook today.
Abbie forgot her lunchbox, but her classroom door was still open, so we went and got it. She forgot to do three of her homework problems, and did another two completely wrong, because she guessed what the directions were. Very sloppy attention. I had her fix the homework.
But today is a good day. Music practiced. Homework done. Everyone in a decent mood. I will take what I can get.
Placement: 52/273 runners
Run Time: 28 minutes, 43 seconds
Yay! All goals were met. He walked less, ran better and also improved his time. Yay for my little runner! We had bananas and bagels for breakfast before the run. My parents were in town especially to see him. Afterward, we had deli sandwiches from Poppy J's. Grant and Abbie both requested tuna salad sandwiches. The rest of us had tri-tip. They serve it on white with Swiss cheese and horseradish mayo. SO YUMMY! The only thing that can improve upon it is a giant slice of tomato, but Husband forgot to ask.
Thursday was bad. Grant woke up in a fighting mood. We have recently told him that he needs to act his age, or we will treat him like the age he is behaving. Thursday morning I put his socks and shoes on for him. He didn't like that one bit. I also made him hold my hand as we walked to the car. I told him to stop something - or we weren't going - as we were getting in the car, and I could see it in his eyes that he didn't believe I meant it. To no one's surprise, he tried to see if I would notice the offence if it were quieter. So I sent him to school with Husband instead. At school, he reportedly flipped his desk in a fit of rage. Strangely, he was not sent to the counselor or anything for that. The bad day continued until a very early bedtime. LONG day.
The next bad day, sadly, was Saturday after the run. My parents had left, and Grant was refusing to practice his music. (Meaning that he was sitting there slouching, or playing older songs that weren't on the lesson, or just messing around. He was hoping that I would later buy it when he said he'd practiced. Not so much.) I could see him trying to work up a spectacular tantrum, so I just gave him a choice:
"Grant, you have a choice. You can act like 9-year-old boy and get this done and out of the way, or you can pitch a fit. If you get it done, you will have free time afterward. If you pitch the fit, I will send you to bed right now. You get to choose."
He chose fit. I bet he doesn't next time, though. It was only 1:30 and I really did make him lie down the rest of the day. What really got me, though, was that he was still trying SO, SO hard to manipulate my feelings. The pathetic, "Mommy, can I please have a hug???" was enough to make me sneak away to my own room and cry. Mean kid. It's my fault, though. When he was little I always promised myself that he would be allowed a hug - even if he was bad. Now he uses it to make me cry. On purpose. I guess I should have known better.
Fortunately, he has been fine since. Well...to my knowledge. He "forgot" the infamous purple behavior notebook today.
Abbie forgot her lunchbox, but her classroom door was still open, so we went and got it. She forgot to do three of her homework problems, and did another two completely wrong, because she guessed what the directions were. Very sloppy attention. I had her fix the homework.
But today is a good day. Music practiced. Homework done. Everyone in a decent mood. I will take what I can get.
Monday, April 21, 2014
HUGS!
Note: A smiley good morning hug BEFORE chores instead of after makes a very, very, very, very, very big difference.
Smooch your gifted psychomotor asynchronously developed friend today!
Friday, April 11, 2014
Uplifting
Don't you love this weather? I do.
The kids are doing pretty well. Not that I've seen Grant's infamous "notebook" lately. He forgot it on Wednesday, and I don't read it Tuesday and Thursdays because I don't come home until 11pm.
Grant had cold symptoms this week that seemed nominal, but he and I both had completely sleepless nights Monday and Tuesday night, due to his relentless coughing. I got him some cough syrup and Wednesday night we both slept. I expected really bad days on Tuesday and Wednesday from him, but didn't get them. He seemed to handle no sleep pretty well. What does that mean? Is he sleeping too much normally? No...that's not one you hear about kids. Maybe he was just too tired to worry about the stuff that sets him off? Must think about this.
Later. :P
Yesterday I was at a performance rehearsal, but Grant was recognized by the school board for getting 80% or better on his Evaluate tests all year long. I have the certificate. It's about time I got a call from the school that wasn't stressful!
The kids will go to summer school there until late June. Then I am going to try to have them go to a private school for the second session. If anyone would care to donate funds so that I can do that year-round, that would be great.
No one wants to buy my house. I'm starting to fear that the kids will still be at this school in the fall.
But I will think about that tomorrow at Tara.
So, the new counselor that moved into my work building doesn't take children unless it is under the category of Family Counseling. Must find plan C.
Wishing you a wonderful weekend!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Still going, I guess.
Sorry it's been so long. In my own defense, I did begin a post a few days ago, but was interrupted. This is going to be somewhat Stream Of Consciousness, as far as post styles go:
We've been having a rocky month. Some days I feel like I have two moody 14 year old girls. Some days I feel like I have two toddlers. And the rest of the time, I feel like I have a moody 14 year old girl and a toddler. They are perfectly pleasant when everything is going their way, like all truly spoiled people.
Yes. They are spoiled.
I stayed home with my children very deliberately. I didn't want whatever problems they ended up with to be untraceable. I even said it out loud, "I want all their imperfections to by MY fault, not the fault of some stranger." Those of you who know how susceptible to guilt I am are probably rolling your eyes right now. Yes, I am reaping what I have sown. Problems caused by me. And it hurts.
Last week, We had such a bad day that the kids were late for school. I actually sent Grant back to bed! Not that he rested. He spent the whole time screaming.
This week, Grant didn't have a very good week, but it wasn't consistently bad. It was a roller coaster. Up, then down, then up, then down... He was very good at his music lesson for the first time in about a month. Thursday was so bad that I'm surprised that I didn't get another email from the school.
Yesterday, when Grant had a rough moment, I talked to him about telling people that he needs a second, and then taking two big breaths in while clenching muscles in his shoulders and arms and hands, then letting the breaths and the tension out. Then, he can take 4 Darth Vader breaths, just for fun, and then continue with whatever he was doing before. The goal is to keep him from running away every time he is upset.
Then we went to the grocery store. Back came the whiny Grant. Back came the Grant who backs away from us, like we are about to tackle him or throw him in a dungeon. It's humiliating for us, the parents, to have him do that in public. And I didn't realize until we were on our way home that I should have immediately taken him out to the car - just like you do toddlers who misbehave in the store. But the concept is still in the foreground of my brain.
Right now, Grant and Abbie are in their rooms, reading quietly. We should be at a friend's house enjoying great food and dear friends, and happiness and fun. But I warned them when they got up this morning that we would only go if they worked hard at their chores and didn't argue or be angry or wild. I'm starting to think they've had too many chances in life. Time for them to remember that I also mean it. So, Husband goes to the party, and we stay home. I made the most boring dinner I could think of, and now they are in their rooms for the night, even though it isn't 5 yet.
Husband thinks we should all start doing tai chi. I don't know how that is going to fit into our schedule, but I'm for it...I guess. I mean, I always wanted to do it. I just can't picture trying in the company of two potentially sulky or wild children, and two super-interested dogs underfoot.
I should probably take this moment to mention that my husband doesn't think it is the right moment for sending Grant to be evaluated for mental problems. It is stressful to not be on the same page about this, but it isn't my money to spend.
It is also stressful to be told by the piano teacher EVERY WEEK that Grant has ADD and should be on medication. She even goes so far as to tell me the names of agencies that I should be contacting. And of course she tries to "make it okay" by saying that she was ADD herself. This I doubt. I'm not saying that she wasn't diagnosed that way, but I've seen adults who lived their lives with ADD and ADHD and they have a "way" about them. She is apathetic and sedentary and doesn't remind me a BIT of those other adults. And another thing. It's minor, I know, but the truth is.....he's MY kid.
His teacher is still a problem, and I am anxious for the end of the school year. I should have switched his homeroom teacher. I thought about it a long time ago. Want to know why I didn't? Don't laugh, but there is a little girl in that class who is the sweetest, nicest kid in the whole grade, and she is friends with Grant. They are even reading partners. That's why. I just couldn't take him away from a good little soul like that, even if it meant the worst teaching influence he could have ended up with. Am I a bad mom? It's not just that he considers her a friend. It's that she considers him one.
Sniffle.
I had to send this to the counselor last week:
"The overall situation is that Grant finds it easier and more satisfying to control everyone else, rather than put in the effort to control himself. He has been manipulating people emotionally, and sometimes in the extreme. For instance, he has discovered that if he pitches a HUGE fit, people will practically knock each other over trying to calm him down. He enjoys this. He says very hurtful things, especially from a mother's perspective, such as, "No one cares about me." I had to hear about that second hand, though. To date, he has never said anything like that to me. Recently, he even threatened to hurt himself, just to upset my husband. The thing is.....he doesn't know in his conscious self that he enjoys negative attention and manipulating people. I mentioned it to him for the first time this week. He rejects it, of course.
In a way, it would be best if I could parent him as Spock - all logic, no emotion. (Okay, well, I know Spock had secret emotions. Pretend he didn't.) I just haven't mastered it, yet. I didn't make things better this morning. I think he knew that he was upsetting me.
I know those attention getting mis-behaviors are for affect, and are not "real". I am TERRIFIED, however, that they might become real if not addressed. I am trying, trying and trying to do this myself, but am also researching having him evaluated. I don't even know what for. The sensory issue? (He can't think straight for about 40 seconds after unexpected loud sounds.) I don't think he really has ADHD. I think it's something else. Mostly, I want him to be coached by someone who isn't me, since he doesn't follow my advice, on appropriate reactions (need) and conversation skills (want). Do you happen to know what I should be looking for? Also, if a recommendation from a school official might help my insurance cover this, I might be coming to speak to you about it."
I am extra sorry for implying that you guys weren't helpful in my last post. Even after reading the above, the counselor has nothing to say.
Anyway, I still wish my kids could spend the summer working hard on a farm. That would be great. Especially since the reality is that I just filled out paperwork to have them go to summer school in the same school district that I am trying so hard to escape.
I really could cry.
We've been having a rocky month. Some days I feel like I have two moody 14 year old girls. Some days I feel like I have two toddlers. And the rest of the time, I feel like I have a moody 14 year old girl and a toddler. They are perfectly pleasant when everything is going their way, like all truly spoiled people.
Yes. They are spoiled.
I stayed home with my children very deliberately. I didn't want whatever problems they ended up with to be untraceable. I even said it out loud, "I want all their imperfections to by MY fault, not the fault of some stranger." Those of you who know how susceptible to guilt I am are probably rolling your eyes right now. Yes, I am reaping what I have sown. Problems caused by me. And it hurts.
Last week, We had such a bad day that the kids were late for school. I actually sent Grant back to bed! Not that he rested. He spent the whole time screaming.
This week, Grant didn't have a very good week, but it wasn't consistently bad. It was a roller coaster. Up, then down, then up, then down... He was very good at his music lesson for the first time in about a month. Thursday was so bad that I'm surprised that I didn't get another email from the school.
Yesterday, when Grant had a rough moment, I talked to him about telling people that he needs a second, and then taking two big breaths in while clenching muscles in his shoulders and arms and hands, then letting the breaths and the tension out. Then, he can take 4 Darth Vader breaths, just for fun, and then continue with whatever he was doing before. The goal is to keep him from running away every time he is upset.
Then we went to the grocery store. Back came the whiny Grant. Back came the Grant who backs away from us, like we are about to tackle him or throw him in a dungeon. It's humiliating for us, the parents, to have him do that in public. And I didn't realize until we were on our way home that I should have immediately taken him out to the car - just like you do toddlers who misbehave in the store. But the concept is still in the foreground of my brain.
Right now, Grant and Abbie are in their rooms, reading quietly. We should be at a friend's house enjoying great food and dear friends, and happiness and fun. But I warned them when they got up this morning that we would only go if they worked hard at their chores and didn't argue or be angry or wild. I'm starting to think they've had too many chances in life. Time for them to remember that I also mean it. So, Husband goes to the party, and we stay home. I made the most boring dinner I could think of, and now they are in their rooms for the night, even though it isn't 5 yet.
Husband thinks we should all start doing tai chi. I don't know how that is going to fit into our schedule, but I'm for it...I guess. I mean, I always wanted to do it. I just can't picture trying in the company of two potentially sulky or wild children, and two super-interested dogs underfoot.
I should probably take this moment to mention that my husband doesn't think it is the right moment for sending Grant to be evaluated for mental problems. It is stressful to not be on the same page about this, but it isn't my money to spend.
It is also stressful to be told by the piano teacher EVERY WEEK that Grant has ADD and should be on medication. She even goes so far as to tell me the names of agencies that I should be contacting. And of course she tries to "make it okay" by saying that she was ADD herself. This I doubt. I'm not saying that she wasn't diagnosed that way, but I've seen adults who lived their lives with ADD and ADHD and they have a "way" about them. She is apathetic and sedentary and doesn't remind me a BIT of those other adults. And another thing. It's minor, I know, but the truth is.....he's MY kid.
His teacher is still a problem, and I am anxious for the end of the school year. I should have switched his homeroom teacher. I thought about it a long time ago. Want to know why I didn't? Don't laugh, but there is a little girl in that class who is the sweetest, nicest kid in the whole grade, and she is friends with Grant. They are even reading partners. That's why. I just couldn't take him away from a good little soul like that, even if it meant the worst teaching influence he could have ended up with. Am I a bad mom? It's not just that he considers her a friend. It's that she considers him one.
Sniffle.
I had to send this to the counselor last week:
"The overall situation is that Grant finds it easier and more satisfying to control everyone else, rather than put in the effort to control himself. He has been manipulating people emotionally, and sometimes in the extreme. For instance, he has discovered that if he pitches a HUGE fit, people will practically knock each other over trying to calm him down. He enjoys this. He says very hurtful things, especially from a mother's perspective, such as, "No one cares about me." I had to hear about that second hand, though. To date, he has never said anything like that to me. Recently, he even threatened to hurt himself, just to upset my husband. The thing is.....he doesn't know in his conscious self that he enjoys negative attention and manipulating people. I mentioned it to him for the first time this week. He rejects it, of course.
In a way, it would be best if I could parent him as Spock - all logic, no emotion. (Okay, well, I know Spock had secret emotions. Pretend he didn't.) I just haven't mastered it, yet. I didn't make things better this morning. I think he knew that he was upsetting me.
I know those attention getting mis-behaviors are for affect, and are not "real". I am TERRIFIED, however, that they might become real if not addressed. I am trying, trying and trying to do this myself, but am also researching having him evaluated. I don't even know what for. The sensory issue? (He can't think straight for about 40 seconds after unexpected loud sounds.) I don't think he really has ADHD. I think it's something else. Mostly, I want him to be coached by someone who isn't me, since he doesn't follow my advice, on appropriate reactions (need) and conversation skills (want). Do you happen to know what I should be looking for? Also, if a recommendation from a school official might help my insurance cover this, I might be coming to speak to you about it."
I am extra sorry for implying that you guys weren't helpful in my last post. Even after reading the above, the counselor has nothing to say.
Anyway, I still wish my kids could spend the summer working hard on a farm. That would be great. Especially since the reality is that I just filled out paperwork to have them go to summer school in the same school district that I am trying so hard to escape.
I really could cry.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, The Bitter
The Good:
For Spring Break, I took the kids out to lunch at a cool place I know of that serves grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches. Shared a cherry cobbler for dessert. Also for Spring break, we spent yesterday together as a family in Saint Louis. We had lunch at Sweetie Pie's. It was great! Grant had ribs, Husband had fried chicken (they are famous for it), Abbie and I shared fried catfish that made me want to swoon. Everything we touched was delicious, and I had sweet tea. Then, we went to the Museum of Fine Art. A friend of mine met us there, and we had a great day. No unpleasantness. Just a few reminders not to run in the museum, or not to cross the lines, etc. They liked the modern stuff more than I ever will, and the armor and mummy were, of course, great successes. We came home in the evening, watched a little Myth Busters, and went to bed.
The Bad:
Before we left for Sweetie Pie's, the kids practiced music. Grant has emotional trouble with that quite frequently, and yesterday was no exception. I was able to talk him down, though, like I used to. That was a relief. We talked about things that he could do that would help. Ways to think, too. I encouraged him again to endeavor to control himself. He recovered from that pretty well. He also did okay when we had to clean the house quickly for the Realtors the other day. Not great....but okay. And since that it an improvement, I was starting to think things would be okay.
The Ugly:
Violence. From Grant. And saying horrible things. Last night I caught him trying to kick Abbie. He saw me before he made contact. I didn't yell, but I explained that we would stop playing now, because that wasn't acceptable. This morning Grant hit Abbie with a door, and apologized immediately and loudly. I didn't ask what happened, because I didn't want anyone to get attention from it, or learn that waking us up with fights is a good way to get something you want. I set Abbie on the couch and told her that she was fine. I sent Grant to finish his chores. No yelling. Went to explain the situation to Husband. Suddenly, he remembered that a few days ago, Grant threatened to "hurt himself" because "no one cared".
Well, that kind of decides it, doesn't it? Guess I'll start looking for someone to test Grant.
Husband claims he only says it for effect. Of course he does. He learned that from the softies at his school. If you say something horrible, you get loads of attention and people go out of their way to make you feel better. But it needs to be stopped before it becomes something else. And it seems that he won't listen to me. What option is there?
I wonder if we can afford this.
So, I'm done with asking YOU for help. Thanks for....making me fell like I'm at the bottom of a well talking to myself.
For Spring Break, I took the kids out to lunch at a cool place I know of that serves grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches. Shared a cherry cobbler for dessert. Also for Spring break, we spent yesterday together as a family in Saint Louis. We had lunch at Sweetie Pie's. It was great! Grant had ribs, Husband had fried chicken (they are famous for it), Abbie and I shared fried catfish that made me want to swoon. Everything we touched was delicious, and I had sweet tea. Then, we went to the Museum of Fine Art. A friend of mine met us there, and we had a great day. No unpleasantness. Just a few reminders not to run in the museum, or not to cross the lines, etc. They liked the modern stuff more than I ever will, and the armor and mummy were, of course, great successes. We came home in the evening, watched a little Myth Busters, and went to bed.
The Bad:
Before we left for Sweetie Pie's, the kids practiced music. Grant has emotional trouble with that quite frequently, and yesterday was no exception. I was able to talk him down, though, like I used to. That was a relief. We talked about things that he could do that would help. Ways to think, too. I encouraged him again to endeavor to control himself. He recovered from that pretty well. He also did okay when we had to clean the house quickly for the Realtors the other day. Not great....but okay. And since that it an improvement, I was starting to think things would be okay.
The Ugly:
Violence. From Grant. And saying horrible things. Last night I caught him trying to kick Abbie. He saw me before he made contact. I didn't yell, but I explained that we would stop playing now, because that wasn't acceptable. This morning Grant hit Abbie with a door, and apologized immediately and loudly. I didn't ask what happened, because I didn't want anyone to get attention from it, or learn that waking us up with fights is a good way to get something you want. I set Abbie on the couch and told her that she was fine. I sent Grant to finish his chores. No yelling. Went to explain the situation to Husband. Suddenly, he remembered that a few days ago, Grant threatened to "hurt himself" because "no one cared".
Well, that kind of decides it, doesn't it? Guess I'll start looking for someone to test Grant.
Husband claims he only says it for effect. Of course he does. He learned that from the softies at his school. If you say something horrible, you get loads of attention and people go out of their way to make you feel better. But it needs to be stopped before it becomes something else. And it seems that he won't listen to me. What option is there?
I wonder if we can afford this.
So, I'm done with asking YOU for help. Thanks for....making me fell like I'm at the bottom of a well talking to myself.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
You want a cry for help? How's this: HELP!
It is Spring break for the kids, but not for me. Except today. Today, Husband couldn't work from home, so I made arrangements not to work. I'm not making any money, but I never mind that as much as I probably should.
We've had some serious moments lately. I really am starting to fear that I won't be able to fix what is in the process of going wrong, and that Grant will grow up to be a psycho killer and Abbie will grow up to be useless and unpleasant and shifty.
Grant is that guy. That desperate, panicked, grasping stalker guy. And if this is what he's like when he desires friendship, I am TOO HORRIFIED to even try imagining him in romantic situations.
I'm trying to go into this with at least Less Than Overflowing emotions. I've had several talks. He does know that isn't the right way to behave.
He had a particularly rough day on St. Patrick's Day. You know, Mommies are the bringers of holidays. We take something that is, essentially, just a day, and turn it into more. And then someone else in the family ruins it. That is kind of status quo after everyone is out of the Cute And Innocent stage. Either Abbie won't eat the food I spent all day making, or Husband is being cranky, or..
This time, Grant was just in I Am Cranky And Must Have A Fit mode. Whimpercrying and running away were themes of the day, in terms of my firstborn. For the first time in his life, he was sent to bed without dessert. Not that we have dessert every night, but he's never been sent to bed knowing that there was dessert that everyone else was about to get. In a way, it worked. The next day, he was fine. Plus, after we sent him to bed, the room brightened considerably. (Especially Abbie, who is the original brown noser and wanted to prove her non-fit-ishness and was positively perky.) However, the goal is for him to be able to control himself enough that his removal is not required. Obviously, this did not occur.
I don't see Grant as a gifted student anymore. I see him as a kid with a control problem. He wants too much control of the external, and doesn't try enough for internal control. This is especially painful to admit, because I really want to be focusing on what is positive. It's just that we haven't had much of it that wasn't corrupted with the negative, lately. His playing with Abbie is increasingly inappropriate, too. Too much grabbing. He's starting to make her defend herself, which she does by load complaining, at best. It's bad for both of them.
Should I be calling a children's mental health specialist?
We've had some serious moments lately. I really am starting to fear that I won't be able to fix what is in the process of going wrong, and that Grant will grow up to be a psycho killer and Abbie will grow up to be useless and unpleasant and shifty.
Grant is that guy. That desperate, panicked, grasping stalker guy. And if this is what he's like when he desires friendship, I am TOO HORRIFIED to even try imagining him in romantic situations.
I'm trying to go into this with at least Less Than Overflowing emotions. I've had several talks. He does know that isn't the right way to behave.
He had a particularly rough day on St. Patrick's Day. You know, Mommies are the bringers of holidays. We take something that is, essentially, just a day, and turn it into more. And then someone else in the family ruins it. That is kind of status quo after everyone is out of the Cute And Innocent stage. Either Abbie won't eat the food I spent all day making, or Husband is being cranky, or..
This time, Grant was just in I Am Cranky And Must Have A Fit mode. Whimpercrying and running away were themes of the day, in terms of my firstborn. For the first time in his life, he was sent to bed without dessert. Not that we have dessert every night, but he's never been sent to bed knowing that there was dessert that everyone else was about to get. In a way, it worked. The next day, he was fine. Plus, after we sent him to bed, the room brightened considerably. (Especially Abbie, who is the original brown noser and wanted to prove her non-fit-ishness and was positively perky.) However, the goal is for him to be able to control himself enough that his removal is not required. Obviously, this did not occur.
I don't see Grant as a gifted student anymore. I see him as a kid with a control problem. He wants too much control of the external, and doesn't try enough for internal control. This is especially painful to admit, because I really want to be focusing on what is positive. It's just that we haven't had much of it that wasn't corrupted with the negative, lately. His playing with Abbie is increasingly inappropriate, too. Too much grabbing. He's starting to make her defend herself, which she does by load complaining, at best. It's bad for both of them.
Should I be calling a children's mental health specialist?
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Okay. Now what?
So. Now Abbie suddenly doesn't want Grant to be so dependent on her. Which I can understand. He's over the top. But he isn't really close to anyone else. So I am frustrated with both of them.
Anyone have hints for this one?
I got a call from the Discovery teacher today about it. Apparently Grant said, "I don't think my sister Abbie cares for me at all!"
Guess I'll start with casually mentioning the different ways people show that they care. This is a hard one, especially for the not getting emotional part.
Wish me luck. I'm serious about hints. :(
In other news, both kids are currently healthy and doing well academically. They loved the dog show this weekend, and are excited for the upcoming good weather.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Post Conference
Well, I got myself pretty worked up over that conference. I really did. I got a text from the Discovery teacher, saying that she needed to see me after I was finished talking to the classroom teacher, because the classroom teacher wanted to speak to me alone.
Heart attack? Why, yes.
As it turns out, there was no one thing on the classroom teacher's mind. She just wanted to update me. Instead of going guns blazing, as we all knew I would NOT, I went with an open mind and an intention to listen...but not get walked on. She showed me his scores, which we both knew were not the primary issue, and then we talked about his reading partner, who is a good choice, to the new student who Grant might be a little too much in the face of. She described some of his recent issues, and I found out something important. She is making them worse. I saw an opportunity to correct her, but made the decision not to, which I will explain later. Take this excerpt from the conversation and see if you catch what I did:
"He was shoving his notebook into his desk, but it wasn't fitting, so I said, "STOP IT!!!" and he dropped it on the floor and walked away, but then when I looked up later, it was gone. He made the right choice and put it away."
She might claim she "said" it, but even when telling me, she raised her voice, and if that's how she sounds with a judgmental adult.....I can only imagine what it was during the day. So what I am getting is that she is yelling at Grant, which triggers a fit. And then later after he calms down, he is able to do what he needs to do.
So, why didn't I explain that the yelling was counterproductive? Well, I had a split second to decide, and here are the things I was thinking: 1. The last time I asked for something from this woman, I didn't get it. 2. It is unlikely at this point in her life, career, and schoolyear, that a change is going to happen fast enough to get results, if it happens at all. 3. I don't much want to mess with the dynamic they already have, lest it be noticeable by others and add a new problem. 4. Grant is going to have to deal with people who are less than perfect for him. The idea is that he learn to control himself, not others. 5. There are only 3 months of school left. It is already too late to prevent it, so might as well learn to deal with it.
(Also, what was she doing that she didn't notice when he went and put it away? She forgets that I have worked in classrooms before, and that would be pretty noticeable. Why didn't she see it?)
I mentioned that at home I use my hands when explaining to him. "Grant, your problem is this big (fingers 2 inches apart), but your reaction is this big (hands 2 feet apart)." "Grant, lets take the emotions out (hand pulling something up and away, as if from a box) and deal with them later, and focus on the problem with our brains (hands in focused V shape before myself)." I don't know if she'll do anything with it. I do not have faith. Because of that, there is a wall-type obstacle between my wishes for Grant's future reality and what we can realistically achieve as a group. We are not, in fact, a group. That is the problem.
The other hugely important moment in the conference came when she told me about their new seating arrangement. They way she did it was to give each student a piece of paper and ask them to each write the names of 3 people they wanted at their tables. My heart stopped. I thought, "Oh, my God. She called me here because no one picked Grant." As petrified as I was, I asked. And I was WRONG! Grant was picked by several students. I was very close to crying at that point.
After that conference, I had another one with the Discovery teacher. She has a different problem, and that is the dynamic between my children when they are both in Discovery. Apparently, Abbie is finally starting to come into her own. The Discovery teacher say that she performs "brilliantly" when left to her own devices, but Grant tries to dictate her every move. They are both so stubborn, though, that the result is sometimes comical. One day in particular, they were arguing and drawing the attention of the whole class.
Teacher: "Grant do you think it might be a good idea to choose a new seat?"
Grant: "No thanks. I'm good."
Teacher: "....Okay.....Abbie do you think it might be a good idea if you choose a new seat?"
Abbie: "I always sit here."
The point, I guess, is that even though they were mad, it never occurred to them not to sit next to each other. That's kinda cute.
Since I feel like she is on my team, I expressed my concern about Grant's conversation deficiencies. And I mentioned that Abbie's lack of personal responsibilities is getting extreme. And I expressed excitement at the rumor that they are going to study some languages in the future, but when I did, the idea seemed to be less concrete than I had expected. Oh, well.
Anyone want to buy my house?
On my way out, I stopped by to see Abbie's teacher, too. And picked up a jacket of Abbie's that she had "lost" in plain sight in the classroom. Yeeesh. The teacher apologized with an extremely guilty expression when she showed me that Abbie is now at the back of the room, but I just laughed and said she doesn't need glasses that I know of. Abbie's teacher is super sweet but can't handle her class. It is secretly flattering that Abbie is not up in the front. It means that the teacher has no particular worries about her learning or her behavior.
Today we are having what had BETTER be our last snow day. Good ole Missouri sleet. The snow plow didn't even bother.
The kids have been sent to their own rooms, after some unsuccessful attempts to play according to the house rules: No climbing on each other, No standing or jumping on the furniture, No throwing things in the house, No grabbing, pushing, hitting, kicking or wrestling, No running in the house, No hitting or kicking the walls either in person or with toys, pets, siblings, or other objects.
You get the idea. Apparently, playing checkers is just no fun on a snow day. Gotta throw siblings and toys at the walls while running and jumping on the beds, etc.
Last night we had an extensive steak knife lesson. It made some of us cranky. However, we all still possess all of our digits, and dinner was, eventually, consumed. That's success, right?
Almost lunch time. Thank goodness we are out of steak. ;)
Heart attack? Why, yes.
As it turns out, there was no one thing on the classroom teacher's mind. She just wanted to update me. Instead of going guns blazing, as we all knew I would NOT, I went with an open mind and an intention to listen...but not get walked on. She showed me his scores, which we both knew were not the primary issue, and then we talked about his reading partner, who is a good choice, to the new student who Grant might be a little too much in the face of. She described some of his recent issues, and I found out something important. She is making them worse. I saw an opportunity to correct her, but made the decision not to, which I will explain later. Take this excerpt from the conversation and see if you catch what I did:
"He was shoving his notebook into his desk, but it wasn't fitting, so I said, "STOP IT!!!" and he dropped it on the floor and walked away, but then when I looked up later, it was gone. He made the right choice and put it away."
She might claim she "said" it, but even when telling me, she raised her voice, and if that's how she sounds with a judgmental adult.....I can only imagine what it was during the day. So what I am getting is that she is yelling at Grant, which triggers a fit. And then later after he calms down, he is able to do what he needs to do.
So, why didn't I explain that the yelling was counterproductive? Well, I had a split second to decide, and here are the things I was thinking: 1. The last time I asked for something from this woman, I didn't get it. 2. It is unlikely at this point in her life, career, and schoolyear, that a change is going to happen fast enough to get results, if it happens at all. 3. I don't much want to mess with the dynamic they already have, lest it be noticeable by others and add a new problem. 4. Grant is going to have to deal with people who are less than perfect for him. The idea is that he learn to control himself, not others. 5. There are only 3 months of school left. It is already too late to prevent it, so might as well learn to deal with it.
(Also, what was she doing that she didn't notice when he went and put it away? She forgets that I have worked in classrooms before, and that would be pretty noticeable. Why didn't she see it?)
I mentioned that at home I use my hands when explaining to him. "Grant, your problem is this big (fingers 2 inches apart), but your reaction is this big (hands 2 feet apart)." "Grant, lets take the emotions out (hand pulling something up and away, as if from a box) and deal with them later, and focus on the problem with our brains (hands in focused V shape before myself)." I don't know if she'll do anything with it. I do not have faith. Because of that, there is a wall-type obstacle between my wishes for Grant's future reality and what we can realistically achieve as a group. We are not, in fact, a group. That is the problem.
The other hugely important moment in the conference came when she told me about their new seating arrangement. They way she did it was to give each student a piece of paper and ask them to each write the names of 3 people they wanted at their tables. My heart stopped. I thought, "Oh, my God. She called me here because no one picked Grant." As petrified as I was, I asked. And I was WRONG! Grant was picked by several students. I was very close to crying at that point.
After that conference, I had another one with the Discovery teacher. She has a different problem, and that is the dynamic between my children when they are both in Discovery. Apparently, Abbie is finally starting to come into her own. The Discovery teacher say that she performs "brilliantly" when left to her own devices, but Grant tries to dictate her every move. They are both so stubborn, though, that the result is sometimes comical. One day in particular, they were arguing and drawing the attention of the whole class.
Teacher: "Grant do you think it might be a good idea to choose a new seat?"
Grant: "No thanks. I'm good."
Teacher: "....Okay.....Abbie do you think it might be a good idea if you choose a new seat?"
Abbie: "I always sit here."
The point, I guess, is that even though they were mad, it never occurred to them not to sit next to each other. That's kinda cute.
Since I feel like she is on my team, I expressed my concern about Grant's conversation deficiencies. And I mentioned that Abbie's lack of personal responsibilities is getting extreme. And I expressed excitement at the rumor that they are going to study some languages in the future, but when I did, the idea seemed to be less concrete than I had expected. Oh, well.
Anyone want to buy my house?
On my way out, I stopped by to see Abbie's teacher, too. And picked up a jacket of Abbie's that she had "lost" in plain sight in the classroom. Yeeesh. The teacher apologized with an extremely guilty expression when she showed me that Abbie is now at the back of the room, but I just laughed and said she doesn't need glasses that I know of. Abbie's teacher is super sweet but can't handle her class. It is secretly flattering that Abbie is not up in the front. It means that the teacher has no particular worries about her learning or her behavior.
Today we are having what had BETTER be our last snow day. Good ole Missouri sleet. The snow plow didn't even bother.
The kids have been sent to their own rooms, after some unsuccessful attempts to play according to the house rules: No climbing on each other, No standing or jumping on the furniture, No throwing things in the house, No grabbing, pushing, hitting, kicking or wrestling, No running in the house, No hitting or kicking the walls either in person or with toys, pets, siblings, or other objects.
You get the idea. Apparently, playing checkers is just no fun on a snow day. Gotta throw siblings and toys at the walls while running and jumping on the beds, etc.
Last night we had an extensive steak knife lesson. It made some of us cranky. However, we all still possess all of our digits, and dinner was, eventually, consumed. That's success, right?
Almost lunch time. Thank goodness we are out of steak. ;)
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Am I any good at this?
Sometimes I wish my kids had been raised on a farm. Manual labor and working out of doors to promote health - check. Feeling like you contribute to the welfare of others (even if they are chickens) - check. The knowledge and confidence to fix broken stuff - check. Not time, literally, to worry about the un-necessary - check. Farms make for steady, capable, confident people.
But I don't.
It's hard to say if Grant is having trouble, or if I am. He has had some negative reports this last week. Abbie still hasn't recovered her lunchbox, and doesn't seem to think she was given a progress report. Grant, however, did receive one. Having worked in the school, I can pretty much guarantee that both kids were given progress reports on the same day.
Grant doesn't know how to talk to people. He only has one gear: PRESENTATION. He will come up to you and tell you how to do stuff, or tell you how other people do stuff, or how he does stuff, or, most often, the characteristics and capabilities of his imaginary creations or toys....but he doesn't seem to understand how to listen to other people. I have spoken to him about it. I even thought I put it in a way that he would understand:
"Grant, I need to you be a good observer. Watch the kids in your class, and see how they talk to each other, and their body language when they are talking." I can't remember what else I told him, because it was two weeks ago. But I made it sound like an experiment and an adventure. Both appealing to little Grants.
All I know is it wasn't a success. I find myself daydreaming about finding teachers to help him with conversation, since it would seem that he won't recognize it coming from me.
Anyway, I am feeling down.
I've never been asked to come in for the spring parent-teacher conference. Grants teacher has asked me to come in this time, and the Discovery teacher plans to attend. Starting to feel like the board meeting they sprang on me last time.
Also for the first time, I am leaving the kids at home with Josh during the conference. I can't decide whether or not to really, really speak my mind (now an option with no kids listening), or do my usual considerate helpful routine.
First version (old way): Yes. Yes, I understand. We've been working on that at home. Of course I know you have other students. Yes. I can see how that would be distracting. Of course I'll look into it. Thank you so much for all you do.
Second version (untried): Look, Lady. I asked for emails and didn't get them. He brings the notebook home like you told him to, but you don't write positive things like you claimed you would, to balance the negative. I've been in your classroom more than once, and have noticed no particular interest on your part in any of your students, and have seen no great jumps in the knowledge of my son. Potentially, it is not Grant's mother who is lacking. Seeing as how you are with him all day long and I am not, let me ask you....what are YOU doing about the problem. Allow me to give YOU a list of things you can do to improve.....yourself. So sorry that my kid is too smart for you. Don't worry. Thanks to your extremely disappointing teaching/attitude/perspective/effectiveness, my house is for sale.
Okay. We all know I would never say that. I'm already feeling guilty for making Grant's teacher cry. Which I haven't.
And the Discovery teacher will be there, too, so I won't have time for self indulgent anger. I have two people's worth of complaints to hear.
...about my little boy.
*weep*
But I don't.
It's hard to say if Grant is having trouble, or if I am. He has had some negative reports this last week. Abbie still hasn't recovered her lunchbox, and doesn't seem to think she was given a progress report. Grant, however, did receive one. Having worked in the school, I can pretty much guarantee that both kids were given progress reports on the same day.
Grant doesn't know how to talk to people. He only has one gear: PRESENTATION. He will come up to you and tell you how to do stuff, or tell you how other people do stuff, or how he does stuff, or, most often, the characteristics and capabilities of his imaginary creations or toys....but he doesn't seem to understand how to listen to other people. I have spoken to him about it. I even thought I put it in a way that he would understand:
"Grant, I need to you be a good observer. Watch the kids in your class, and see how they talk to each other, and their body language when they are talking." I can't remember what else I told him, because it was two weeks ago. But I made it sound like an experiment and an adventure. Both appealing to little Grants.
All I know is it wasn't a success. I find myself daydreaming about finding teachers to help him with conversation, since it would seem that he won't recognize it coming from me.
Anyway, I am feeling down.
I've never been asked to come in for the spring parent-teacher conference. Grants teacher has asked me to come in this time, and the Discovery teacher plans to attend. Starting to feel like the board meeting they sprang on me last time.
Also for the first time, I am leaving the kids at home with Josh during the conference. I can't decide whether or not to really, really speak my mind (now an option with no kids listening), or do my usual considerate helpful routine.
First version (old way): Yes. Yes, I understand. We've been working on that at home. Of course I know you have other students. Yes. I can see how that would be distracting. Of course I'll look into it. Thank you so much for all you do.
Second version (untried): Look, Lady. I asked for emails and didn't get them. He brings the notebook home like you told him to, but you don't write positive things like you claimed you would, to balance the negative. I've been in your classroom more than once, and have noticed no particular interest on your part in any of your students, and have seen no great jumps in the knowledge of my son. Potentially, it is not Grant's mother who is lacking. Seeing as how you are with him all day long and I am not, let me ask you....what are YOU doing about the problem. Allow me to give YOU a list of things you can do to improve.....yourself. So sorry that my kid is too smart for you. Don't worry. Thanks to your extremely disappointing teaching/attitude/perspective/effectiveness, my house is for sale.
Okay. We all know I would never say that. I'm already feeling guilty for making Grant's teacher cry. Which I haven't.
And the Discovery teacher will be there, too, so I won't have time for self indulgent anger. I have two people's worth of complaints to hear.
...about my little boy.
*weep*
Friday, February 21, 2014
At least it's the weekend.
Still trying to get into new routines. Still having some emotional leakage. I told Grant that his emotions are leaking out like Gamma rays and that they might effect people. He was entertained, but still isn't any better at not giving in to them.
Abbie left her lunchbox at Discovery the other day. She also came home with both shoelaces untied and trailing behind her.
Great. Guy at new work thinks I'm an inspiration and full of intelligent and astute philosophy, and I can't get my kid to tie her shoes.
Not thinking the word "failure"...not thinking the word "failure"....
Abbie left her lunchbox at Discovery the other day. She also came home with both shoelaces untied and trailing behind her.
Great. Guy at new work thinks I'm an inspiration and full of intelligent and astute philosophy, and I can't get my kid to tie her shoes.
Not thinking the word "failure"...not thinking the word "failure"....
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Coping with New Schedule
Hello, All!
That is fun to say, even if "all" is 2 people. Or less.
We have new schedules in the afternoon, here, because of my new and fancy job. It comes with a new and slightly less fancy commute. Also new and fancy is that the kids will stay after school for the Latchkey program. Still deciding how I feel about that.
Anyone want to buy my house?
Had a cranky and frustrating dinnertime tonight. At one point I told Grant that he needed to start over and that I would count to 5 to give him a second, and then when I got to 5, we would try again. His interpretation: While Mom is slowly counting to 5, I should whine, cry, and bang my silverware on the table in a self indulgent release of negative emotions. I stopped at three and mildly pointed out that this was not the case. He accepted that pretty well, but we decided to do without the counting. Just in case.
The good news: Abbie made cupcakes almost un-aided today, and me and Grant and Abbie decorated them. Much fun. We had them for dessert tonight, even though dinner took a very VERY long time.
I need to cook more beef. Apparently, my children have no idea how to use knives. It was appalling.
Grant also had a couple of bad days at school. We are still working on it. The weather has been to cold for running, but I am hoping that the re-addition of that will be a huge help.
I hope the bad weather we are promised for tomorrow doesn't actually arrive. I want to learn to adjust to the new schedule. For that, the new schedule must happen. *sigh* It's hard on us all.
I love my new job, but right now I am ridiculously tired. Off to bed I go.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Nope.
Okay. Last week was a rough week. I....don't think it should count. :P
And this week definitely doesn't count, because we had two snow days in a row. Which is a shame, because we have had no problems yet this week. As far as I know, school will be in session tomorrow, and we are almost certain to have them, then. Especially since tomorrow is the first day of my new job.
****! (That was the phone ringing.)
Oh. Nevermind. No school tomorrow, too. Josh will be staying home with the kids.
This week most definitely does not count.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Cranky
This week has been a challenge.
Today is my husband's birthday. That is good. I will be starting a new job a week from today. That is good, too. Both of my parents, my brother and my maternal grandmother are all in good health. The dog has not thrown up on the floor lately. The Earth's vegetation is still producing oxygen. If I wait long enough, it will be spring.
This is me thinking positive.
Yesterday, Husband had to stay late at work because he had to buy new tires before he went in. (Couldn't wait until the weekend - he had a blowout the other day.) The arrangement was that me and the kids would eat out after music lessons. I was looking forward to it. However, Grant had a bad day. He kinda had two bad days in one. And Abbie had forgotten do to one of her daily tasks. No fancy dinner for us.
Apparently, after yelling across the class room for the second time in two days*, Grant got into a fight with a friend who didn't like the nickname Grant has been calling him for two years. They were both sent to the counselor, who emailed me the whole story. I also read the notebook that Grant's teacher sends home. Her story was slightly different, but what can ya do? It had also been sent with him to Discovery (gifted program which is one half day per week) where he had the chance to start over, but continued to have a bad day instead. That teacher mentioned how good Grant had been lately and said that the day wasn't terrible, she had just been spoiled with all his recent mellow-ness.
She didn't say mellow-ness. I made that part up.
*It is significant in MY mind that I was told that this happened two days in a row. The entry for yesterday in Grant's notebook from his teacher says, "Had a great day!! :)"
After reading the notebook, I didn't say much. I just reminded him of something I've said before: "Grant, is it still playing if one of you isn't having fun?"
"No."
"No, it isn't. It's something else. It's not nice. The goal of playing is for both of you to enjoy it. Don't do something that you know the other person doesn't like"
This would be great advice....except that he has a Y chromosome, and I don't think Y chromosomes really believe any of that. That won't stop me from pretending that I've said something monumental and helpful.
Grant had an okay music lesson, and Abbie didn't. She was...unwilling. It was a, "Do I have to?" kind of attitude.
I was surprised and pleased when we got in the car, and Grant said, "We're eating at home, aren't we?" I told him we were, but he did not get emotional at all. Not even a little bit. We went straight home, and ate the most un-exciting frozen pizza I could find. I let them play together until they started arguing, which didn't take long, then I had them read in their own rooms. We put them to bed an hour earlier than usual. And they went right to sleep.
Aha!
So. That was a good call. One or both of them must be growing. We will go to bed early tonight, too, and tomorrow (if I can swing it).
Tomorrow night we are having Chinese food for dinner, in honor of the Lunar New Year. Hope your week is relatively stress-free. Take deep breaths.
Today is my husband's birthday. That is good. I will be starting a new job a week from today. That is good, too. Both of my parents, my brother and my maternal grandmother are all in good health. The dog has not thrown up on the floor lately. The Earth's vegetation is still producing oxygen. If I wait long enough, it will be spring.
This is me thinking positive.
Yesterday, Husband had to stay late at work because he had to buy new tires before he went in. (Couldn't wait until the weekend - he had a blowout the other day.) The arrangement was that me and the kids would eat out after music lessons. I was looking forward to it. However, Grant had a bad day. He kinda had two bad days in one. And Abbie had forgotten do to one of her daily tasks. No fancy dinner for us.
Apparently, after yelling across the class room for the second time in two days*, Grant got into a fight with a friend who didn't like the nickname Grant has been calling him for two years. They were both sent to the counselor, who emailed me the whole story. I also read the notebook that Grant's teacher sends home. Her story was slightly different, but what can ya do? It had also been sent with him to Discovery (gifted program which is one half day per week) where he had the chance to start over, but continued to have a bad day instead. That teacher mentioned how good Grant had been lately and said that the day wasn't terrible, she had just been spoiled with all his recent mellow-ness.
She didn't say mellow-ness. I made that part up.
*It is significant in MY mind that I was told that this happened two days in a row. The entry for yesterday in Grant's notebook from his teacher says, "Had a great day!! :)"
After reading the notebook, I didn't say much. I just reminded him of something I've said before: "Grant, is it still playing if one of you isn't having fun?"
"No."
"No, it isn't. It's something else. It's not nice. The goal of playing is for both of you to enjoy it. Don't do something that you know the other person doesn't like"
This would be great advice....except that he has a Y chromosome, and I don't think Y chromosomes really believe any of that. That won't stop me from pretending that I've said something monumental and helpful.
Grant had an okay music lesson, and Abbie didn't. She was...unwilling. It was a, "Do I have to?" kind of attitude.
I was surprised and pleased when we got in the car, and Grant said, "We're eating at home, aren't we?" I told him we were, but he did not get emotional at all. Not even a little bit. We went straight home, and ate the most un-exciting frozen pizza I could find. I let them play together until they started arguing, which didn't take long, then I had them read in their own rooms. We put them to bed an hour earlier than usual. And they went right to sleep.
Aha!
So. That was a good call. One or both of them must be growing. We will go to bed early tonight, too, and tomorrow (if I can swing it).
Tomorrow night we are having Chinese food for dinner, in honor of the Lunar New Year. Hope your week is relatively stress-free. Take deep breaths.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Responsibility and Self Control
Well. I can't deny that I am still feeling a little subdued. But there are other things than my own personal failures going on, and I feel that some of them should be shared.
First of all, Abbie was super proud of herself for having checked her school mailbox and remembered her lunch box. It felt a little silly to congratulate her for things she should already be doing, but one must keep one's eye on the true goal - self sufficiency of one's children.
Did you know that, etymologically speaking, the word "man" comes from the word "one"? It was one of my favorite discoveries in History of the English Language. Fascinating subject. I actually read the text book sometimes, for fun. Well, I try to, anyway. The book is amazingly dull. Amazingly.
I digress.
For the first time, we all went to the local park for Grant's running practice. I thought that this might show me a little of that side of Grant that his father occasionally sees, but me never. It didn't really happen that way, though. Here is what did:
1. Like at home, we stretched, and then did the aerobic walking, with me in front, Grant in the middle, and Abbie at the end. There are two purposes for this exercise besides warming up. Firstly, by staying between us, Grant has to proceed at the same steady pace I am going. My hope is that the steadiness of pace will in some way wear off. Secondly, I want him train him away from the strange, cutthroat berserker rage he goes into when people try to be in front of him. I am in front. It is fine. Cross your fingers that it translates into a real life situation.
2. We let Grant take off at his own pace. If I saw him walking from where I was, I would yell encouragement. He was always within sight, but largely on his own. The two of us did sprint the last few yards, just for kicks.
3. Grant walked with only me for cooling down. I spoke in a coach-like manner, and mainly talked about how what we were currently doing was helping.
He seemed happy with the running. I'm calling it a success.
Two Incidents:
Grant practiced his piano lesson the other day, but it wasn't going well, and he was frustrated, and he was whiny, and he took FOREVER to get done. I noticed, but didn't say much. Yesterday, when I reminded him to practice music when he was done with homework, he suddenly made whiny noises, when he was fine only moments ago. I asked what the trouble was. "Dad says to remember that music is supposed to be fun, but I don't have any fun at all!"
Knowing that this was an emotional statement, and solely based on yesterday's unsuccessful practice, I gave him a few pointers to make the pressure less. Things like, "It's more helpful to get the notes right, one at a time, than to have it sound like a song when you are first learning one. Read each note and play it. It will get easier the more you do it." And, "If it is not working out - move on to something else and come back to that one. It's not big deal."
He played his lesson, and had so much fun that random Kid-Music lasted for 45 minutes after he was done.
For this second incident, I will give you a very brief back-story: I am the TV Nazi. My kids are not permitted to see anything I haven't seen first. This rule is sometimes relaxed in the context of being guests at other people's houses who occasionally ignore the fact that they know this about my children and myself....or, even less usual, are truly ignorant of the arrangement. We are also allowing them to see a very few shows in our presence that we have not specifically previewed. Most are cooking shows, and the other is Doctor Who. That one is more of a leap of faith, but Grant and Abbie do love it.
Yesterday, we watched an episode. It was To Be Continued, and Grant asked to see the next one. Husband told the kids, "Well, if you get your teeth brushed and your clothes set out for tomorrow..." Grant immediately skipped all preliminaries and went directly into whine-crying and running away with stomping feet. I stopped him and pointed out the fact that his father had not, in fact, said no. Grant continued to cry, and we were forced to declare that this behavior removed all possibilities for seeing the show.
Don't remember why I did it, but I pulled Grant aside and asked him if he could stop. By stopping, I am referring to the emotional outburst. I held both his hands and asked him if he could. He said yes. I asked him to try. He tried.
He stopped.
He went to brush his teeth, and while he was occupied, I plead his case. While we don't want to reward an outburst, we do want to reward control of it. As long as he understands what is being encouraged and what is not, this can be made a VERY useful demonstration.
I went and found Grant and told him that what he had done was HARD. And he had done a wonderful job. He could see the episode.
Husband is the kind of guy who would immediately announce, "Now, this doesn't mean you should pitch a fit and then stop if you want something!!" Thereby arming the smart child with the wrong knowledge. Hopefully, I was able to keep him from saying so. (Still don't know what was said during the tucking in part of the day...)
I am hoping that both of these incidents that ended successfully will also lead to more success in the future.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Unhappy.
I can't believe it. I was on the phone with my mother, and I accidentally said something and was forced, then, to tell her the whole story of Grant's year.
And it was just as I had always feared.
Maybe worse.
The first thing she did was compare it to my Brother's childhood. Then she claimed that Grant was worse, and blamed Husband's family and gene pool. I took that very personally, but didn't say anything. Then she sounded defeated. And then she wanted to get off the phone. And she might have been about to cry.
My mother doesn't cry.
I am a terrible kid. I know what the right thing is, but I just can't do it, can I?
And it was just as I had always feared.
Maybe worse.
The first thing she did was compare it to my Brother's childhood. Then she claimed that Grant was worse, and blamed Husband's family and gene pool. I took that very personally, but didn't say anything. Then she sounded defeated. And then she wanted to get off the phone. And she might have been about to cry.
My mother doesn't cry.
I am a terrible kid. I know what the right thing is, but I just can't do it, can I?
Friday, January 24, 2014
Mommy Needs a Vacation
Grant and Abbie have both had a rough week. Grant has grappled with the lack of consistent routine due to what I shall term Snowless Days. The school has closed twice this week for dangerously low temperatures. Today it was in session, and the temperature was 5 degrees. Good sense? You be the judge. Abbie, on the other hand, is failing miserably with personal responsibility and organization and it is finally getting so bad that Husband is wanting to make it a punishable offense.
This morning, Grant burst into angry, whiny tears because I didn't give any attention to the pre-tears whining he was directing at me over having to hold the sleeve of his fleece while putting on his coat. I ignored those, too, until he resorted to slamming doors and pushing into people (next progression on his journey to explosion). Here is what I said when we got in the car:
"Grant, unfortunately for you, I can tell the difference between someone who is upset but is trying not to be, and someone who is secretly enjoying it, and trying to make other people get angry so he has another reason to pitch a fit. You, right now, are trying to make us angry because you feel like crying and you would like a reason to do it. But it is a school day. You do not have time for this. What we are doing right now is getting ready for school. That is Abbie's job; that is your job. You don't have to like it. What you think about getting ready does not matter. It needs to get done. If you still feel this way when we get to school, then I can take you into the office to calm down. There is no reason to make everyone have a bad day just because you aren't willing to control yourself."
Then, when we got to school, I casually mentioned that if Grant didn't have a terrible day, we might go to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight.
"Grant?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't have a terrible day." *wink*
*Smile*
Hope it works.
*** Yep. Just got a call from the school. Not about Grant, though.
So. Abbie's teacher called me because of a note I sent to school with Abbie this morning. Or so I thought. Abbie had been doing such things as forgetting her lunchbox at school, then losing the bag lunch we send the next day, and then buy lunch without asking, and not tell us (forgot). Twice now, this entire scenario has taken place. And she forgot her lunch box again. I wrote a note to the teacher saying that if Abbie forgets her lunch, she has to go to the office and call us before she may purchase a school lunch. (Not a punishment. I just would like to know when I owe money, hey?)
The teacher was actually calling about a message I left her a week ago because Grant's report card came home....but Abbie's, not. Apparently she forgot it on her desk. No one has seen it since, including the teacher. The note I actually sent to the teacher.....didn't make it to her. Who is surprised?
We talked. Organization and personal responsibility are going to be encouraged at school AND home. Also, Abbie's teacher said that this sort of inattention was a typical side effect of her being, "so brilliant." My, but I do like that lady! >_<
(And to tell you the truth, I was starting to wonder if maybe she wasn't that bright, and I was only insisting she was out of fondness...)
Wish I could get this level of cooperation from Grant's teacher.
I must go to work now. Wishing you all a day of emotional calm and acceptance. And good health.
This morning, Grant burst into angry, whiny tears because I didn't give any attention to the pre-tears whining he was directing at me over having to hold the sleeve of his fleece while putting on his coat. I ignored those, too, until he resorted to slamming doors and pushing into people (next progression on his journey to explosion). Here is what I said when we got in the car:
"Grant, unfortunately for you, I can tell the difference between someone who is upset but is trying not to be, and someone who is secretly enjoying it, and trying to make other people get angry so he has another reason to pitch a fit. You, right now, are trying to make us angry because you feel like crying and you would like a reason to do it. But it is a school day. You do not have time for this. What we are doing right now is getting ready for school. That is Abbie's job; that is your job. You don't have to like it. What you think about getting ready does not matter. It needs to get done. If you still feel this way when we get to school, then I can take you into the office to calm down. There is no reason to make everyone have a bad day just because you aren't willing to control yourself."
Then, when we got to school, I casually mentioned that if Grant didn't have a terrible day, we might go to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight.
"Grant?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't have a terrible day." *wink*
*Smile*
Hope it works.
*** Yep. Just got a call from the school. Not about Grant, though.
So. Abbie's teacher called me because of a note I sent to school with Abbie this morning. Or so I thought. Abbie had been doing such things as forgetting her lunchbox at school, then losing the bag lunch we send the next day, and then buy lunch without asking, and not tell us (forgot). Twice now, this entire scenario has taken place. And she forgot her lunch box again. I wrote a note to the teacher saying that if Abbie forgets her lunch, she has to go to the office and call us before she may purchase a school lunch. (Not a punishment. I just would like to know when I owe money, hey?)
The teacher was actually calling about a message I left her a week ago because Grant's report card came home....but Abbie's, not. Apparently she forgot it on her desk. No one has seen it since, including the teacher. The note I actually sent to the teacher.....didn't make it to her. Who is surprised?
We talked. Organization and personal responsibility are going to be encouraged at school AND home. Also, Abbie's teacher said that this sort of inattention was a typical side effect of her being, "so brilliant." My, but I do like that lady! >_<
(And to tell you the truth, I was starting to wonder if maybe she wasn't that bright, and I was only insisting she was out of fondness...)
Wish I could get this level of cooperation from Grant's teacher.
I must go to work now. Wishing you all a day of emotional calm and acceptance. And good health.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Tiredness is a killer.
Did I ever tell you what Grant and Abbie are going to be when they grow up?
Grant has had several plans - as well he should. First, he wanted to build robots in space. Then, he wanted to be Indiana Jones. I think most recently he has expressed a desire to be a geologist who goes into space to study rocks from other planets. I have been told that there is a name for this, but it escapes me at present. Space + Science = Grant's lofty future plans. He also plans to attend the university formerly known as UMR, and live in Arizona afterward, since he was born there.
Abbie has had but one plan. She wants to own a tea shop. She wants to serve bubble tea at her tea shop. Aaaaaaand that's about it. For her small business owner's degree, she also plans to go to college in Rolla. No official word on where she will open her shop.
I wanted you to know that I have been looking up Second Brilliant Child Syndrome, which you will recall I made up one day. So far I haven't come up with anything, but along the way I read an article saying that if you suspect you have a gifted child, it is something that you should bring up with your child's pediatrician. I never thought to do that.
"When worrisome health issues present at a pediatric doctor office, and if the doctor has a strong background knowledge of giftedness, he or she will be better positioned to understand and differentiate the symptoms from signs of giftedness, thus resulting in fewer misdiagnoses and fewer inappropriate medical treatments. If a doctor remains unsure of a presenting diagnosis, strong background knowledge of giftedness will still make it far easier to appropriately make any needed referrals, thus finding quicker answers for the parents and child. - See more at: http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/where-does-a-pediatric-doctor-fit-in-the-care-of-gifted-children#sthash.iqkYH9DB.dpuf"
Back to the present. Grant and Abbie spent the weekend with my mother. I was told that they stayed up an hour past their regular bedtime. When we picked them up, Grant had been asleep in the car, but insisted that he was merely resting. So defensive! I wonder why he doesn't embrace car sleeping. Then, he was whiny. Probably, he was tired. But it was a pretty severe case. Husband made it a hundred times worse by yelling. Then we had Grant crying and backing away from us in a grocery store. Great. Well, I went to him and asked if we could work together and just get the shopping done, and please get past our upset-ness for now. He agreed, and did a tolerable job. The crying and backing away stopped, and he only occasionally did random things designed to make us frustrated and explosive.
At home, we started our Sunday ritual of Family Game Night, where we play board games together. We picked Boggle. My favorite. We had another explosion from Husband over a pencil, and whiny Grant-ness both before and after that. And poor sportsmanship from Grant, which is typical of him, but we all successfully ignored his negative commentary, and he didn't have the energy to pursue it.
By the next Grant fit, it was my turn to be Fed Up. I had him come and stand in front of me and listen to a list of 4 things he needed to consider. It was all perfectly reasonable and logical and do-able. However, I failed utterly in the emotion-less voice. There were probably flames flickering behind my eyes.
This morning had a rough start, too.
Good vibes would be appreciated, Friends.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Gifted + Stimuli = !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For your perusal, I offer...[drumroll, please!].....Psychomotor..uh..ness! In green!
[APPLAUSE]
Apparently, there was more to psychomotor than I was previously aware:
PSYCHOMOTOR OVEREXCITABILITY Psychomotor OE is a heightened excitability of the neuromuscular system. This Psychomotor intensity includes a “capacity for being active and energetic” (Piechowski, 1991, p. 287), love of movement for its own sake, surplus of energy demonstrated by rapid speech, zealous enthusiasm, intense physical activity, and a need for action (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977; Piechowski, 1979, 1991). When feeling emotionally tense, individuals strong in Psychomotor OE may talk compulsively, act impulsively, misbehave and act out, display nervous habits, show intense drive (tending towards “workaholism”), compulsively organize, or become quite competitive. They derive great joy from their boundless physical and verbal enthusiasm and activity, but others may find them overwhelming. At home and at school, these children seem never to be still. They may talk constantly. Adults and peers want to tell them to sit down and be quiet! The Psychomotor OE child has the potential of being misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
PSYCHOMOTOR STRATEGIES Allow time for physical or verbal activity, before, during, and after normal daily and school activities-these individuals love to “do” and need to “do.” Build activity and movement into their lives. Be sure the physical or verbal activities are acceptable and not distracting to those around them. This may take some work, but it can be a fun project and beneficial to all. Provide time for spontaneity and open-ended, freewheeling activities. These tend to favor the needs of a person high in Psychomotor OE.
EMOTIONAL OVEREXCITABILITY Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions, identification with others’ feelings, and strong affective expression (Piechowski, 1991). Other manifestations include physical responses like stomachaches and blushing or concern with death and depression (Piechowski, 1979). Emotionally overexcitable people have a remarkable capacity for deep relationships; they show strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977). They have compassion, empathy, and sensitivity in relation-ships. Those with strong Emotional OE are acutely aware of their own feelings, of how they are growing and changing, and often carry on inner dialogs and practice self-judgment (Piechowski, 1979, 1991). Children high in Emotional OE‚ are often accused of “overreacting.” Their compassion and concern for others, their focus on relationships, and the intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes.
EMOTIONAL STRATEGIES Accept all feelings, regardless of intensity. For people who are not highly emotional, this seems particularly odd. They feel that those high in Emotional OE are just being melodramatic. But if we accept their emotional intensity and help them work through any problems that might result, we will facilitate healthy growth. Teach individuals to anticipate physical and emotional responses and prepare for them. Emotionally intense people often don’t know when they are becoming so overwrought that they may lose control or may have physical responses to their emotions. Help them to identify the physical warning signs of their emotional stress such as headache, sweaty palms, and stomachache. By knowing the warning signs and acting on them early, individuals will be better able to cope with emotional situations and not lose control.
I included the one for emotional overexciteability, but there is more if you care to visit this site: http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted
Anyway, Grant's checklist would include talking compulsively, nervous habits, competitiveness and verbal enthusiasm. Also intense feelings, strong emotional attachments, and overreacting.
As far as I am aware, psychomotor does not encompass anything remotely Abbie. But as I have said before, she is not an open book, so I could be incorrect at this point.
Now, don't you feel better now that you know what it's called? I know I do! Well...kinda. Okay...not really. But it was worth reading. Every little bit helps. Right?
Wishing you an excellent weekend..or what is left of it. :)
[APPLAUSE]
Apparently, there was more to psychomotor than I was previously aware:
PSYCHOMOTOR OVEREXCITABILITY Psychomotor OE is a heightened excitability of the neuromuscular system. This Psychomotor intensity includes a “capacity for being active and energetic” (Piechowski, 1991, p. 287), love of movement for its own sake, surplus of energy demonstrated by rapid speech, zealous enthusiasm, intense physical activity, and a need for action (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977; Piechowski, 1979, 1991). When feeling emotionally tense, individuals strong in Psychomotor OE may talk compulsively, act impulsively, misbehave and act out, display nervous habits, show intense drive (tending towards “workaholism”), compulsively organize, or become quite competitive. They derive great joy from their boundless physical and verbal enthusiasm and activity, but others may find them overwhelming. At home and at school, these children seem never to be still. They may talk constantly. Adults and peers want to tell them to sit down and be quiet! The Psychomotor OE child has the potential of being misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
PSYCHOMOTOR STRATEGIES Allow time for physical or verbal activity, before, during, and after normal daily and school activities-these individuals love to “do” and need to “do.” Build activity and movement into their lives. Be sure the physical or verbal activities are acceptable and not distracting to those around them. This may take some work, but it can be a fun project and beneficial to all. Provide time for spontaneity and open-ended, freewheeling activities. These tend to favor the needs of a person high in Psychomotor OE.
EMOTIONAL OVEREXCITABILITY Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions, identification with others’ feelings, and strong affective expression (Piechowski, 1991). Other manifestations include physical responses like stomachaches and blushing or concern with death and depression (Piechowski, 1979). Emotionally overexcitable people have a remarkable capacity for deep relationships; they show strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977). They have compassion, empathy, and sensitivity in relation-ships. Those with strong Emotional OE are acutely aware of their own feelings, of how they are growing and changing, and often carry on inner dialogs and practice self-judgment (Piechowski, 1979, 1991). Children high in Emotional OE‚ are often accused of “overreacting.” Their compassion and concern for others, their focus on relationships, and the intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes.
EMOTIONAL STRATEGIES Accept all feelings, regardless of intensity. For people who are not highly emotional, this seems particularly odd. They feel that those high in Emotional OE are just being melodramatic. But if we accept their emotional intensity and help them work through any problems that might result, we will facilitate healthy growth. Teach individuals to anticipate physical and emotional responses and prepare for them. Emotionally intense people often don’t know when they are becoming so overwrought that they may lose control or may have physical responses to their emotions. Help them to identify the physical warning signs of their emotional stress such as headache, sweaty palms, and stomachache. By knowing the warning signs and acting on them early, individuals will be better able to cope with emotional situations and not lose control.
I included the one for emotional overexciteability, but there is more if you care to visit this site: http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted
Anyway, Grant's checklist would include talking compulsively, nervous habits, competitiveness and verbal enthusiasm. Also intense feelings, strong emotional attachments, and overreacting.
As far as I am aware, psychomotor does not encompass anything remotely Abbie. But as I have said before, she is not an open book, so I could be incorrect at this point.
Now, don't you feel better now that you know what it's called? I know I do! Well...kinda. Okay...not really. But it was worth reading. Every little bit helps. Right?
Wishing you an excellent weekend..or what is left of it. :)
Friday, January 10, 2014
Can we have school now?
Today, after 21 days in a row at home with the kids, I went to work.
I'm working tomorrow, too, and Husband is taking the kids with him when he gets and oil change and visits his sister. It will be good for them to get out. The whole "even children who are best friends need a break" thing, you know.
I fully admit that my patience has been low these last few days, and these last few are the days when the patience has really been tried. [Had to double check to make sure I didn't write tired. That, too.] Abbie's usual problem, the Rude Sistervoice, and Grant's usual problem, irritating Abbie until she uses said voice, were highly prevalent, as well as some other issues, such as:
* Running in the house, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Pulling on the curtains, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Leaving food trash on tables, chairs, and the floor, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Neglecting the poor, hungry dogs.
* General Not Listening-ness.
* Running in the house again, despite still being in trouble for having run in the house 3 minutes ago.
Trying to coach Grant away from his psychomotor tendencies (that means Chatterbox times 100), but shouldn't when I sound so Fed Up. Counterproductive. [The goal is to get him to do less talking "at" people, and more talking "with" people.]
He also has this habit of calling Abbie a monster. He thinks this is an affectionate term, but Abbie only agrees with that sentiment part of the time. I think continuation could be bad for both of them.....maybe. Hard to say.
Gah!
Anyway, I have a splitting headache. Not really. Just a drilling one. Either way, I'm off to find Motrin, and my bed.
Wishing all of you a pleasant weekend.
I'm working tomorrow, too, and Husband is taking the kids with him when he gets and oil change and visits his sister. It will be good for them to get out. The whole "even children who are best friends need a break" thing, you know.
I fully admit that my patience has been low these last few days, and these last few are the days when the patience has really been tried. [Had to double check to make sure I didn't write tired. That, too.] Abbie's usual problem, the Rude Sistervoice, and Grant's usual problem, irritating Abbie until she uses said voice, were highly prevalent, as well as some other issues, such as:
* Running in the house, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Pulling on the curtains, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Leaving food trash on tables, chairs, and the floor, regardless of its having been against the rules all their lives.
* Neglecting the poor, hungry dogs.
* General Not Listening-ness.
* Running in the house again, despite still being in trouble for having run in the house 3 minutes ago.
Trying to coach Grant away from his psychomotor tendencies (that means Chatterbox times 100), but shouldn't when I sound so Fed Up. Counterproductive. [The goal is to get him to do less talking "at" people, and more talking "with" people.]
He also has this habit of calling Abbie a monster. He thinks this is an affectionate term, but Abbie only agrees with that sentiment part of the time. I think continuation could be bad for both of them.....maybe. Hard to say.
Gah!
Anyway, I have a splitting headache. Not really. Just a drilling one. Either way, I'm off to find Motrin, and my bed.
Wishing all of you a pleasant weekend.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Starting a New Year
Happy 2014!
I got my husband a game of Laser Khet 2.0 for Christmas. Grant - who learned chess two-ish years ago, but didn't pursue it much - has been playing it with him. And winning, mostly. I just learned to play this morning, but can't tell yet whether it is just right for me, or not at all. We also bought a cool game called Code Breaker for Abbie, and played that last night.
Funny Abbie stories:
We were scrubbing the baseboards during/after painting a week ago, and I said, "Somebody sing something!!" Abbie started singing, "Hard Knock Life."
So funny.
Just now I decided to make some tea, and Abbie wanted some, too. As I was putting the kettle on, she started whistling "Tea For Two".
She really has an incredible musical memory. And her art work is so ridiculously charming, too. This is one of hers:
The shoe laces are my favorite, I think.
Whatever type she is...if she's a type, it's one I don't have much experience with. She picks the trashiest friends.... I think it's time she became as much a priority as Grant.
My two bright babies.
This year, we will do great things for and with them. Wait and see.
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