whats up, Doc?

Just came from the new doctor.  She is great!  I learned that my kids are healthy, they get the right amount of sleep, can still drink up to 3 cups of whole milk per day, based on their ages and BMI.  They are in the curve for height and weight, although Grant is only 12 percentile for weight and 18 for height. They weigh within 1 pound of each other, and Grant is 4 inches taller.

In private, I asked the doctor about Grant.  She asked me for some descriptions of his episodes, and told me that a counselor would be a good idea, at the very least, for my peace of mind.

Okay.  I will do that.

Step

It just plain irks me.  It irks me, and I can't officially show annoyance, because the goal, and everyone's priority - mine included - is that Grant learn to control himself.  So if a step has been made in that direction, I may only be happy.  And I am.  Pleased.  Happy.  Proud.  Hopeful.  Giddy, even.

And pissed.  Someone who wasn't me told him the same things I have been saying repeatedly since I read the book and before, but this time he listened. And he suddenly comes home with stories about noticing that he was getting upset, but avoiding the explosion.

I don't know if I feel under appreciated, or just plain worthless.

But I am so proud of Grant.

Regular doctor appointments have been made, and I see that as step 1.

I will update.

Defeat Hurts.

* I just left a message for a therapist to call me.

*  October:  Grant has his first male teacher.  He's a great guy.  He is nerdy, and sweet, and likable, and not super tall (kid friendly feature).  I'm fond of him.  So is Grant.  Parent-Teacher Conferences (the stuff of my nightmares) happened just before this teacher went on Paternity leave.  It was he who told me that Grant had problems in his before school care.  "I see him out in the hall sometimes, and I just wish there was something I could do."  He is now familiar with Grant's moodiness, and has a great handle on it.  Well.  Had.  He has been gone for leave.  I think he is actually back today or tomorrow.  First, I got called in to talk to the before school care employees.  Sports related aggression, wild speech while under pressure, gnashing of teeth and angry cry/yelling.  Not good.  But better than the next call, which was about Grant kicking and head butting a girl at recess over a football.  Grant was given In School Suspension.  I also had him write a letter of apology to the girl.

*This Week:  Yesterday I got a call at lunch because Grant was screaming and screaming over not being able to play ball at recess.  I actually spoke to him and calmed him down.  He was upset (WHY?  Why is it so important to play THAT game?) and yelled a lot, and got in trouble.  "You were outside, Grant.  When you knew you were getting upset, why didn't you run a few laps?  You like running, it's good for you, it doesn't hurt anyone, and it helps you calm down."  He said he hadn't thought of it, but would try that.  But that's not exactly what he did.  Not 2 hours later, he did run....from the teachers when they told him he had to stay in at recess for his earlier transgression.  I was humiliated that I was called at work twice, but mostly I was furious that I couldn't go home after work, so I called.  Josh and Grant were fighting.  I spoke to Grant again, and calmed him down again. His day was miserable start to finish.  Well, except the very, very last thing.  He woke up when I cam home.  I tucked him in and gave him a hug.  We both needed it.

This morning I all but begged him for a good day.  No calls from the school.  Actually, the school said they were going to make a plan for him today.  I assumed that involved a call or email to me, but maybe I was wrong...

I don't think I've gotten into a good communication cycle with the new school.  I want them to know that I will not defend Grant, or try to claim that he is innocent.  At the same time, though, I don't like that they imply that I am mentally helpless.

I'm even starting to feel that way.

I've cried lots lately, and last night I just decided that I am focusing on what I want.  What I want, as I mentioned in my last post, is to talk to someone who knows.  Someone who has seen it lots.  I want to have a conversation.  When all of this started up, I contacted the new gifted teacher,  I asked for resources.  She gave me a list of authors, a list of web sites, and a name.  The only therapeutic counselor in the area who specializes in gifted youths.  Is it out of my price range?  Yes.  Do I have a medical referral?  No.  Do I know that this will help?  No.  Am I clinging to the idea desperately, gasping for breath with tears burning my eyes?  Yes.  Please, please, please.  Someone help us.  I'm terrified.  The school is scary, and I don't know how to take their urging that I go to Youth In Need.

Do I secretly think that what my son needs is me?

YES!!!!!!!

I was so hoping so that we would leave this behind us in the old school.  Finding that it has grown is painful.  And the worst thing I ever hear:  "It's not the first time."

Then why is it the first time you are calling me?

Anyway.  Something is needed.  I will let you know how it ends.

The Sucker Punch

Hello. I have not written in a long time.  Firstly, the transition to the new life and the new school district seemed unnaturally smooth, and I thought the new beginning was just what the proverbial doctor ordered.  Plus, Husband had me switch phones and phone numbers at the same time the computer was offline, so I literally didn't know how to sign back in.  Today, I went to the trouble to look it up.

I just want to take a moment to express in words what I want in regards to my gifted son's lack of self control:  I want to talk to someone who is experienced.  I want someone who has helped thousands of gifted kids with low boiling points and zero control, so I can have a normal Ask For Advice moment. I just want someone to say, "oh yeah, one of those.  Have you tried X, Y, and Z?  You might want an A or B.  C isn't going to help much, most likely."

That's all I ask.

More later.  I have lots to relay.

Worrying Again

That previous post was actually written in early November.  I never finished it.  That's kind of what this season has been like.

Grant continues to have troubles.  My husband is going through a rough time looking for a new job, at the same time that Grant is beginning to be petulant when asked to do anything he doesn't want to. My not being here until mid to late evening is so hard, as now I don't know who is the instigating party.  What I do know is that I have come home to those two fighting almost every day this week and last, and Abbie getting away with not doing as she has been asked, due to the distraction.

We all participated in a 5K in mid November, which my dad joined us for.  He and Grant both finished first in their age group, and got medals.  I  ran and walked with Abbie and kept her going.  We made horrible time, of course, but it was fun.  I made her run all the downhills, of which there were many - to go with the many uphills.

Now it is December.  Tomorrow we are having our Deck The Halls day, when we decorate and listen to/sing carols and write letters to Santa and such like.  On Monday, new realtors are coming, whom we might hire to sell our house.  I both crave and fear the moment when we change schools. I want to leave the current school district, but I know that it will be a horrible experience for Grant to leave the classmates who are used to him, and who forgive so much from him. Abbie still gravitates to the trashiest kids in school.  I want the trashiest kids to be of a better quality.

I'm trying to get through this season as best I can, but I won't deny that my worries going into this month are more serious than those of September and October. I have even considered getting the book out again.  I have considered taking Grant to be professionally evaluated. I have begun to doubt myself and everyone involved again.  To cry again. To sit up nights again.

Did I Mention it's 3 am?

Parent-teacher conferences were, on the whole, a relief.  Grant has had a great year, and his amazing teacher is super fond of him.  She promised to tell me if he had any rough days.

I heard from her last week.

Grant woke up in a terrible mood on Monday.  No idea what might have contributed, but it was undeniable.  He was emotional and frustrated and short tempered and a complete pain.  I tried to get him to calm down, but it didn't seem to work.  I got a call and two emails from the teacher.  (Love that woman.)

The big problem:  Grant hitting himself in the face/head out of frustration.  Think Rainman.

Well, you might recall that I had seen this once before.  After I got home, I talked with Grant, but avoided asking what happened.  Instead we just talked about being upset at school.

Me:  Grant, you know that hitting someone when you are upset is not okay, right?
G:  yeah.
Me:  Well, hitting yourself is just as not okay.
G:  *looks upset and on the verge of frustrated tears*
Me:  I notice that when you are upset, your body is upset, too.  You rub your feet together, and clench your fists and grimace... It's all very physical.  Let's both try to think if things that you can physically do, even in line, that won't cause problems for you or anyone else.

Grant seemed pleased at that conversation.  He gave me a big hug.  I wonder if part of it was that someone noticed, and he didn't have to go through the difficulty of trying to explain.

I called his teacher about it.  She offered Grant a stress ball to keep in his desk and carry on the days that feel to Grant like Monday did.  I was not prepared for Grant's reaction.  He was so relieved and happy that he almost burst into tears.  Obviously, a big moment for me as well.  Such a small thing.  Such a big help.  At least he feels prepared now.

As for Abbie, her conference was different from Grant's, and different from her usual, as well.  Abbie's teacher praised her academics (she's on the principal's honor roll for straight A's.  Grant had two A-.) She is actually going to save a paragraph Abbie wrote to use in all her future classes.  Teachers used to do that with my work, as well.  I was just surprised she asked my permission.  She thinks Abbie's listening skills are impressive, too.  But her behavior with the other kids is not okay.  First of all, she picks her friends unwisely.  Then, she is uncooperative and controling, especially during group work.

Year.

Okay, Friends.  This is it!




A year ago, I showed up to Fall Parent-Teacher Conferences, and found out that there were problems relating to my son that I had not been made aware of (despite my absolutely IMMEDIATE proximity).  This past year has taught me a lot about my kids, and made me aware of many parenting possibilities.  I think I've come pretty much full circle.  I think both of my kids are pretty normal.  I think the things I thought were important are still important.  I think my parenting style IS what my kids need.  I also think Grant's teacher last year was the bulk of the problem, and that the counselor was indulgent to a fault.  And I think the worry I felt pretty much took over my common sense.  I'm glad the kids (and their mother) had good days in the summer to chill out.  Because that's what we needed to do.


I feel confident that I know what is needed.  I feel confident that my children are well cared for.  I feel confident that they have the ability to succeed.


But ask me again in an hour.  :P