Well, I got myself pretty worked up over that conference. I really did. I got a text from the Discovery teacher, saying that she needed to see me after I was finished talking to the classroom teacher, because the classroom teacher wanted to speak to me alone.
Heart attack? Why, yes.
As it turns out, there was no one thing on the classroom teacher's mind. She just wanted to update me. Instead of going guns blazing, as we all knew I would NOT, I went with an open mind and an intention to listen...but not get walked on. She showed me his scores, which we both knew were not the primary issue, and then we talked about his reading partner, who is a good choice, to the new student who Grant might be a little too much in the face of. She described some of his recent issues, and I found out something important. She is making them worse. I saw an opportunity to correct her, but made the decision not to, which I will explain later. Take this excerpt from the conversation and see if you catch what I did:
"He was shoving his notebook into his desk, but it wasn't fitting, so I said, "STOP IT!!!" and he dropped it on the floor and walked away, but then when I looked up later, it was gone. He made the right choice and put it away."
She might claim she "said" it, but even when telling me, she raised her voice, and if that's how she sounds with a judgmental adult.....I can only imagine what it was during the day. So what I am getting is that she is yelling at Grant, which triggers a fit. And then later after he calms down, he is able to do what he needs to do.
So, why didn't I explain that the yelling was counterproductive? Well, I had a split second to decide, and here are the things I was thinking: 1. The last time I asked for something from this woman, I didn't get it. 2. It is unlikely at this point in her life, career, and schoolyear, that a change is going to happen fast enough to get results, if it happens at all. 3. I don't much want to mess with the dynamic they already have, lest it be noticeable by others and add a new problem. 4. Grant is going to have to deal with people who are less than perfect for him. The idea is that he learn to control himself, not others. 5. There are only 3 months of school left. It is already too late to prevent it, so might as well learn to deal with it.
(Also, what was she doing that she didn't notice when he went and put it away? She forgets that I have worked in classrooms before, and that would be pretty noticeable. Why didn't she see it?)
I mentioned that at home I use my hands when explaining to him. "Grant, your problem is this big (fingers 2 inches apart), but your reaction is this big (hands 2 feet apart)." "Grant, lets take the emotions out (hand pulling something up and away, as if from a box) and deal with them later, and focus on the problem with our brains (hands in focused V shape before myself)." I don't know if she'll do anything with it. I do not have faith. Because of that, there is a wall-type obstacle between my wishes for Grant's future reality and what we can realistically achieve as a group. We are not, in fact, a group. That is the problem.
The other hugely important moment in the conference came when she told me about their new seating arrangement. They way she did it was to give each student a piece of paper and ask them to each write the names of 3 people they wanted at their tables. My heart stopped. I thought, "Oh, my God. She called me here because no one picked Grant." As petrified as I was, I asked. And I was WRONG! Grant was picked by several students. I was very close to crying at that point.
After that conference, I had another one with the Discovery teacher. She has a different problem, and that is the dynamic between my children when they are both in Discovery. Apparently, Abbie is finally starting to come into her own. The Discovery teacher say that she performs "brilliantly" when left to her own devices, but Grant tries to dictate her every move. They are both so stubborn, though, that the result is sometimes comical. One day in particular, they were arguing and drawing the attention of the whole class.
Teacher: "Grant do you think it might be a good idea to choose a new seat?"
Grant: "No thanks. I'm good."
Teacher: "....Okay.....Abbie do you think it might be a good idea if you choose a new seat?"
Abbie: "I always sit here."
The point, I guess, is that even though they were mad, it never occurred to them not to sit next to each other. That's kinda cute.
Since I feel like she is on my team, I expressed my concern about Grant's conversation deficiencies. And I mentioned that Abbie's lack of personal responsibilities is getting extreme. And I expressed excitement at the rumor that they are going to study some languages in the future, but when I did, the idea seemed to be less concrete than I had expected. Oh, well.
Anyone want to buy my house?
On my way out, I stopped by to see Abbie's teacher, too. And picked up a jacket of Abbie's that she had "lost" in plain sight in the classroom. Yeeesh. The teacher apologized with an extremely guilty expression when she showed me that Abbie is now at the back of the room, but I just laughed and said she doesn't need glasses that I know of. Abbie's teacher is super sweet but can't handle her class. It is secretly flattering that Abbie is not up in the front. It means that the teacher has no particular worries about her learning or her behavior.
Today we are having what had BETTER be our last snow day. Good ole Missouri sleet. The snow plow didn't even bother.
The kids have been sent to their own rooms, after some unsuccessful attempts to play according to the house rules: No climbing on each other, No standing or jumping on the furniture, No throwing things in the house, No grabbing, pushing, hitting, kicking or wrestling, No running in the house, No hitting or kicking the walls either in person or with toys, pets, siblings, or other objects.
You get the idea. Apparently, playing checkers is just no fun on a snow day. Gotta throw siblings and toys at the walls while running and jumping on the beds, etc.
Last night we had an extensive steak knife lesson. It made some of us cranky. However, we all still possess all of our digits, and dinner was, eventually, consumed. That's success, right?
Almost lunch time. Thank goodness we are out of steak. ;)
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